i'm in love:) maybe just infatuation

ok. so you know already. i've been in love with a superstar. to be exact, taufik batisah. hey that rhymes:)) anyways, just so happen, and it's so coincidental, the date i fell in love with him was 10 december 2007. to those non-fiknatics, its the date he was born, 26 years ago. he's like 10 years older than me man. how cool is that? woots. so, by default, i'm a fiknatik. i'm a member on his fanclub. username, cuddlycookie, like my blog. another coincidence. lols. i'm a fan, not a chair or a table. cool. get it? hahahahhahah. nevermind if you don't. you're slow. by any rate, its gonna take a long time before the crush wears off. just like last 2 years. it only stopped because of the existence of someone else. even then it took a long time to get over that someone. then another someone appeared, another crush, another long time before crush wears off....the story just take turns playing around my life. not that its any of my concern. and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!! LOVE YOU ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT....:)) that was so random, ica.

so today is mama's b'dae. and dad's one a week away. cool kan? that way u'll always remember their b'daes and it can also safe cost if you're a cheapskate like me; just give both a treat at the same time:P but i'm here to clear myself, i did it only because i'm short of cash. sorry dearest. i'll make up to you guys, k? as soon as i get my first pay. guess that's the 1st similarity between me and my crush.

wanna noe the rest? are you sure u wanna tell them siti? khairun, stop playing the devil's advocate, can? nisa will just sit and provide comments, ok? aniwaes........

no. 1) i've already said it haven't i? we love our parents and will provide a better life for our parents first, before anything else! PRIORITIES!!

2) we like to smile and laugh. a lot. so much so, its contagious;)

3) we love to sing.

4) we have passion for what we love to do. only his is more focused on the music industry and mine on poetry. actually both is the same also. both are of the Arts:))

5) we love to hang out around people we love>.< weee...

nevertheless, there are also differences. a lot of them. but i won't tell you. you'll make it the reasons to break us up. hmph. lols, XD.

oh. another post coming up soon u guys. my soul confession. i sound like hyrul's blog title. anyway. i say that a lot don't i? anyways... there are a few songs stuck in my brain these days. like out of a sudden i'll just sing it out. i'm random remember? so don't scold me if suddenly i sing a phrase or two. lollies:P

here are my song list:
1. taufik batisah - MYBG
2. t.a.t.u - Malchik Gay
3. hady mirza/ taufik batisah - Berserah
4. nathalie imbruglia - Torn
5. michael buble - Home
6. t.i - big things poppin
7. avril lavigne ft lil mama - Girlfriend(remix)
8. peterpan - Tak Bisakah
9. hellogoodbye - Here In Your Arms
10. justin timberlake - Lovestoned
11. him - Venus Doom
12. jesse mccartney - Tell Her
13. taufik batisah - Usah Lepaskan
14. taufik batisah ft ahli fikir - Sombong
15. peterpan - Ku Katakan Dengan Indah

so...watch out. for my singing. lols. actually its not so bad. i won't be called sops backup support if i'm bad. woots. loves. peace out!!

biarpun, tak mampuku bertahan, takkan pernahku akui kalah...

today---> 3rd entry

i felt like blogging today
and so i did
this entry is to cover what happened today.

so, slept late posting the first entry and making the second entry
woke up early to go to little india, arab street and plaza sing.
enjoyed every moment of it, esp. the part where my bro overslept on the top deck of 81 bus and though everyone else had already boarded off, he's still snoozing his way to the next station. lollies. and the part where we went shopping for my tapered pants and belt. superb.

along the way, huda and i made plans about our next meetup. can't wait to see her. missed her so much. ans yue mim, my bro's friend called, OFFERING ME A JOB DURING THIS CHRISTMAS ALL THE WAY UP TO NEW YEAR!! i'm excited. yay!!

went back late afternoon to relax and shelter from the heavily pouring rain. and while waiting, i served the net from MY ROOM FOR THE 1st TIME ON MY BRO'S LAPPIE!! yay,yay!!

then heda PASSED ME TAUFIK'S SONGS!!! super YAYAYAAYYAYAY!!! hehehehheh. TRUCKLOADS OF THANKIES HEDA!!! woots!

went out again after maghrib to harvey norman. bro wanted to buy for me a camera with a $300+ budget for my super duper belated b'dae present. actually, he's feeling guilty coz he bought presents and treated his friends for their birthdays recently and realised he DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING FOR MY 16th B'DAE!!! how pathetic is that? i don't know, too much to even bother counting man.

went home and got online then guess what happens then? you'll never believe! Hadi said my poetry was good:) how cool is that? for a person who hates any artistic works to, i quote, "sense your anger and frustration." hehehhehehe. YATA!!!

anyways, tomorrow hady will be on at Suria Segar at 10am. so must sleep early coz i already super tired and sleepy after all the walking. and i consider that as part of my exercise for the week. i'm already feeling guilty for not exercising sufficiently after all the WRONG FOOD i've already consumed all month long. *sigh exaggerately. the only comfort i can take is that i've lost 2 inches from my waist when measuring it for the pants i bought earlier. at least i know my works have not gone to waste;)

byes...i'll update another poetry work tomorrow. love you guys. and to huda and kak norls, please make time off your busy schedules. I REALLY WANNA WATCH ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS....REALLY BAD~.~

my sacrifice (as promised)

my love, my sacrifice

i love you
since the first sight
since the first light

ever since, every moment your presence lingers
my heart stops beating
but my pulse races to the ends of the world
my breathe is taken away
but my panting increases in speed and volume
my lips, eyes and body becomes as cold and solid as ice
but my insides melts like warm chocolate at your sight

how i wish these feelings weren't true
then at least my brain will know what to do
yet a battle i've lost without a fight
try as much as i possibly might

you've stolen my heart without a doubt
in my simple life, you're on top

my heart is now yours to cherish or break
i give you the choice to decline or take
i'll pray to God for the strenght to live on
if you decide i'm not worth your coin

but if you turn and take my hand
i swear i'm the happiest human on land

from the gentle feelings of respect and care
now it have escalated into a new affair
i thought your love was enough to be shared
now mistaken, i hated at how much i cared

i hate you
you believe the world revolves around you
you took advantage of my love for you
wake up lad, the sea's line won't cut into two
at least not for the likes of you
no matter how much you believe it true

i hated the control you had over my life
it is mine, but you run it like i'm your wife

i hated the reason you turn me away
wuth a pathetic excuse that you're gay

i hated how much you didn't care
not even for my feelings that you tear

i hated how little effort you had to use
to coax me into blowing my fuse

i hated the way you move around
like the world owes you a million pound

i hated the way you speak each sentence
knowing i would fall for every nonsense

i hated the very likes of you
being able to play me like a shipyard crew

but most of all i hated the way i love you
it's just too much to care for anything else
other than the fact that i can hear wedding bells
but at my wedding, the bride is someone else.

Crap...Literally

so yesterday was Hari Raya Haji. like always my family went to the sacrifice ceremony at some very ulu place. wanna know the reason why? the smells, sights and some other things i wouldn't mention in here. well this year there was a LIL difference. ours was combined with sembawang cc and wak tanjong, so there were more people whom i do not know about. it was kinda like a friend-making cum lose-your-appetite session for me. well the 2nd thing kinda caused the 1st thing. well Hetty Sarlene was there too and people were like talking about her being an outsider who's gonna marry into our jemaah and people don't think she'll last long. my comment? i'll just pray she'll be enlightened and may Allah give her strength to pull through the whole thing. and it was raining, so the entire thing started later, ended later and worsen the entire ugly process, hence leading to the smell crap spoiling everyone under the crowded little tent to throw up what little food they had in their stomachs. but in the spirit of making sacrifices, everyone played their active roles in helping each other through the solid 7 hours there. talking about sacrifices, i'm had made one that very day. i shall publish it in another blog soon.

so back to my exciting life. i'm blogging. don't like my slaggy stories, leave. this is for people who may want to know about it:) so talk about today. went out. my mum took a day off to rest from the tiredness of yesterday, so decided not to waste the day by slagging at home instead we'll spend time as a family outdoors. i volunteered to belanje everyone at Swensens. well, seeing that
1. mum's b'dae is this sunday
2. dad's b'dae is next sunday
3. mum wanted to eat fish and chips
4. dad wanted ice-cream (earthquake to be precise)
5. bros wanted baked rice
6. i'm in a mood to spend money
7. i bet mum was wrong in the deal or no deal home viewer's contest but she was right (i hate it when she's right...TWICE!!)
8. my family deserve the take

i'm obliged to do it. see, i'm a nice person. anyway, besides the great and expensive meal, bad things occured.

1. i met an old stalker
2. i wore high-heels and almost fell
3. i hit someone while pushing the cart out of ntuc fairprice coz i was trying my best to maintain body balance but failed terribly.

i'm sorry. truly. karma is biting me now becoz of that. i hope a bad thing happens to me soon, considering the moral embarrassment of being scolded in front of everyone by mum was not enough to meet the satisfaction of miss karma, coz i don't like being kept in suspense that i'm gonna die of being knocked over by a car. seriously, it stinks. but people who thinks its crap, like my brother does, please feel free to ignore it and die of the same tragic end as me. cool, huh?

i'm gonna die a virgin. how life sucks. only temporary siti. don't worry, everything's gonna be ok nisa. as soon as you die, you'll see.

i hate this

this is a self-confession. if you do not agree to any of it, please don't tell me. i'm angry right now. so don't tell me what to do or what not to do. the source of my anger are these things:

1. my family is not going for holiday this year. i don't even know why. all the plans made earlier just seemed to crumble away before my very eyes.

2. i've wasted 1/3 of my holidays at home. not getting a job. not getting paid. because i thought we're going on a holiday. but we are not. see no. 1. i'm irritated. shut up.

3. people are always sending me messages about islam where it is stated, "you'll be rewarded for forwarding this message". i mean, wth ah. those human beings who started the chain mails are not god, who i must add, IS THE ONLY SOUL LIVING THING THAT CAN GIVE YOU PAHALA!! so stop acting like you're god already. and btw, that mails about meetings with Allah s.w.t or Muhammad s.a.w, is totally crappy and untrue. i'm not being a bad muslim, i'm being the best one. the people who think they did meet with them are crazy. computers only exist from the 21st century. Muhammad s.a.w died a long time ago. and people who met Allah s.w.t are serious hallucinating. its either that or they wouldn't have time to go on the net to send that letter coz they'll be busy praying for their lives.

4. i'm angry because many people i care for are getting hurt right now. and i can do nothing to help better their situation or even prevent them from being so. i feel useless. but hey, what can i say? i'm not Hiro Nakamura who can bend space and time. which i must say, the one person on Earth which Allah will have trouble controlling coz he truly think he can change the past, present and future. i mean come on, kun faya kun. for those who are not used to the term, it means, if its meant to happen, it will. no matter how much you try to change it.

5. my cousin got U grade for her emaths of the N-levels exams. now what am i going to do about that? nothing.

alrite. that's all. i'm tired of typing. and i feel better already. thanks.

6. look at me. i'm saying thank you to a machine. how impossible can i be? ARGHHH!!!

dis is very me

throughout my whole life, there are 3 things people usually say about me.
1. i'm random.
2. i'm jolly and laugh at absolutely anything and everything, till sometimes it hurts others.
3. i'm nice.


from all of the observations, i've learnt to change for the better. become more mature. where does that get me? i destroy myself. read through all my blogs again. recently, it has only been about me and i. so rarely about myself. myself has gone away. all because of what i and me wants to be. my mum once said to me, "watch your mouth. one day its gonna hurt yourself more than others." its true. that day has come without me even noticing. i just went on with my everyday life like nothing has happened. its so painful. now that the crowd have gathered again, we have finally realised our selfishness had lead to the heart-wrenching pain which siti khairunnisa feels everyday. we are sorry. truly. forgive our mistakes and give us a second chance, please.


now off to the second part of this. HADY MIRZA WON ASIAN IDOL!!! who would have guessed? not even the "good" judges can predict his win. what can i say? i have his autographed album and poster. want it? wonder how much its worth is on e-bay. anyway, his win was so unexpected, my family and i have created a few reasons for his win.

1. He is GOOD! (duh! i won't buy his album if i didn't think so in the first place)

2. He have crowd appeal (a huge one at that. i mean, his cute and confused smile melts every girl's heart lah. fine, i'm biased. kill me.)

3. the service provider for the votes made was Mediacorp Tech. Pte. Ltd. (i mean come on, see the link?)

4. singaporeans are the richest among all people from the other countries (seriously, do u need explanation on that? links. rich-more votes-win! futhermore, 1 vote is 60cents, singapore money. imagine that same amount in other countries!)

5. singaporeans benefit from the whole voting thing cause we are the only nation with more than 3 quaters who understands english (wrong voting format, vote discounted! i mean, WTH! 1 vote 2 choices. people from other countries who don't understand that wasted so much money man!)

6. Hady have a lot of crazy fans all around. you might never know what they are capable off. one can only guess. (and i really mean that!)

7. Hady is a muslim and hari raya haji is this thursday. (see the link? Allah have ways to shock even in the most expected time! Yay! Islam rocks my SOCKS!!)

so those were all the reasons my family and i can think about. please tag if you have more to add or even comment on the few reasons i've already put up. and btw, i hated the malaysian judge. i mean, so what if u think jac is THE best. you have NO RIGHT to CRITISIZE my idols!! move off and hide your face in the toilet bowl or something now that jac had lost! BOO-YAH! ok, too much watching of kim possible:) and the song rendition of tak bisakah by the indian idol was cute, BUT U TOTALLY SPOIL THE SONG!! i don't think peterpan fans will appreciate that. and jac and hady, both of u please stop singing your gemilang and freedom songs. i know it is good but pleaselah, bored already leh. sing some other EXCELLENT songs, preety please, with cherries and pudding cream on top?

i've finished watching Heroes season 1. lag, i know. don't remind me. after watching the whole thing, my mind's preety screwed up about all the voting system, time, war and cockroaches. ok fine, i'm random. but its true. there was a cockroach in my room yesterday and i couldn't kill it without thinking about myself being a hiro and killing sylar with that magnificent sword of his. lols:)

don't mind me, i'm just being as special as i usually am. what? you don't think i'm special? i just killed sylar in my room yesterday. talk about ironies.

turning point

yesterday night, at 12 am, i declared myself a changed person.
it was difficult to realise all my bad deeds and learn to become something new out of it.
thanks to the recent life-changing events that happened, i've turned myself into someone better. weird how life bugs you. well in this case change you.but i'm ok now. understand me. if you know the real me, you'll understand.but it's turning out no one understand me for myself. not even my dear ones. i have dark corners in my soul. if i ever lived a life of an american kid, i'll be one of the goths. but i don't. instead i live in singapore. as a teenager who was born and bred to be a full-blown muslim. full-time. i never regret this life i live as this is only temporary.

like the sayings of this one person,"living as a full-time muslim on earth and in this life is like staying in an unseen prison, chaining and restraining every single motion you wish to make. not that free-will is non-existent. its just not there yet. you're covered from top to toe with clothes that restricts your freedom of style. you're required to pray five times a day that more often than not destroy the plans for happiness that we persue in this life. you must take care of everything that you say, think, hear, smell, touch, taste, see and feel. this changes your whole life. your freedom of speech is definitely cut. and you can not wish for evil and revenge. always forgive and forget. like this world don't have enough hate and deception. why add to it? everything makes sense. when somethings don't, blame it on those who don't follow the simple rules of life. live, love and pray."

its easy enough to hear and understand, ain't it? read between the lines. be a little more complex will you? i hate people who take things too simply, so much so that its taken for granted.

"I despise simplicity. It is the negation of all that is beautiful," Norman Hartnell.

chilling out!~

so, i'll update on the most fun thing which had occured to me during the weekend. i got a break from my sewing lessons up till wednesday so most of the time will be spend practising new skills, making designs for the new clothes i'm making, watching Heroes and Prison Break box sets and of course, sleeping.

and besides slagging my butt off, i've also worked out, indoors and at the gym on the second storey of the community centre. although i must say the trip to the gym had almost caused me my back again. not mentioning getting wet all the way home and risking myself of a cold. so here i am today, again in a turtleneck, just returning from a trip to tampines to get my sewing supplies on a heavily rainy day. seems to me s'pore is frrreeeeeezzzziinngg!! never thought i would say that considering i'm always praying for the sun to go away every single time when i'm walking home from school.

come, lets talk about yesterday. went home from the excersice, freshen up, ate lunch, read a book ,took a nap and played pirate poppers. btw, that game is starting to make me frustrated, but still it was fun. so then my ever silent phone tinggled to live with an sms from kak norls. she asked me to come with her to a dinner at expo. asked details about the event, seek permission from parents and suddenly, i was on my way out. everything always changes so fast in my life. one minute i was sleeping, the other minute, i'm walking out in the rain again, away from the comfort of my warm and dry home, towards fun and laughter. so kak norls was late and i had to wait. didn't really mind the waiting considering she was always the one waiting whenever we went out. i must say the whole event was an eye-opener for me. i didn't know so much efforts were ongoing to make us singaporeans more knowledgable of the cultures and religions in this little island. met so many new friends who were not only fun but clever too! haha. so all of them are older than me, besides the child and nephew of kak maria. kak maria was a worldy woman. besides the fact that she totally talk and look like my mum, she was a hilarious person! i still remember her jokes and the eye-action!; totally original. had a 7-course meal served to us, which we cleared; every single plate gave to us was emptied, thanks to the delicious food served and the helpful serving done by kak maria. the event ended far later than expected. it ended about 10.30, 1 hour after the anticipated time. then everyone said their goodbyes and we all went home. along the way kak norls was enlightening me on how the bad jokes on marriage counselling was started by kak maria and the rest of the volunteer crew. wierd and hilarious. for futher details please ask her or me personally. don't want the joke to get out of hand, if you know what i mean. hahahahahhahahahaaaha. ok,that's all for now folks!

thy the lonely

thy world is empty without thee
thy life lonely like the wolf crying out what it need be

please help me oh god for thy tears wouldn't fall any less
for thy words would no longer be full of happiness without him that i love
help thy oh god for thy heart bleeds without much care for the world
so full of sufferings and death

show me the joy of loving
in the words thee speak of
in the promise thee swore to fulfill
in the tears thee oath would only be what is of the necessary


shall thee not bore me in thy mother's womb

thy'll be breed to feel hurt
for every smile, every laugh, every shred of happiness
not meant for thyself
but for the world which is filled with hatred



thy life is forever mediocre
thy life is repleted with void
thy life forever vitiate
thy mouth closed shut without any word


thee made thy believe in hope, in love

yestereve thy heart bleed without need
yestereve thy wouldn't have cut thy wrist leaving blood
to flow through the earth
to water the vast lifeless deserts of thy pain, thee's land



just now, thy would be strong enough to rise again
leading the world in its ignorance
towards a soulless life throughout pretense
without a shred of emotions of passions and sweet revenge

just let thy be now
thy'll remain forever the wallflower
till one day of falling rain and snow
pelting thy world with the necessity to continue living

until thee's judgement day
where worlds of pain and confusion and hurt combine
to manifest the existance of hell and life after death

finally online again

so this machine finally works again.
after days of trying to find out the reason why everyone cannot log into the internet.
wanna noe why? its rather stupid and funny. i won't tell you. maybe me would. myself...don't noe....K FINELAH! i say ok. its because we type a coma instead of a fullstop and every single day, we try to fix the connecting lines while the problem stay rooted on our screen, RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR FACES!! hahahahahaa. ok, lame. but funny too.

so a couple of things to update. i'm currently taking painstaking sewing lessons for myself, to learn the basics of making clothes such as skirts, blouses, shirts and pants for ladies. i think the one for men will come later. btw, the designs for the clothes i'm making are all retolicious! woots! and i'm being taught by my next door neighbour. lessons are from morning to afternoon so i'm quite busy putting it into words.

and my late afternoons are usually packed with outdoor activities, all the way to night time, such as shopping with family and friends or jogs at the tampines connector, when its not raining. but even that is rare nowadays. that refers to the days when its not raining and i'm not blanketed from chin to toes with the floral-patterned quilt where ever i go. ok fine, that's an exaggeration when i'm only using turtlenecks full-time at home.

talking about full-time, i think i'm going to be a full-time resident at home, not getting all the job offers as a part-timer somewhere else. mum said it was good, coz at least i won't feel so tired all the time. i've been getting in sufficient sleep and that is to say the least. since the start of the sewing lessons i've been waking up early. not that i've never done so in this holiday period but the waking up was forced. i always promise myself sleep after the lessons but it was never fulfilled. sleep early then, you'll say. can't. not because i won't. i couldn't. i'm used to sleeping late and usually take naps in the afternoon. the lack of naps in the afternoon+waking up early+sleeping late+tiredness from the activities of the day before has lead me to the situation i'm in right now. i'm praying that cik mas will allow me break from her lessons during the weekends. i don't want to tire myself out. its not good. i can get sick and with this kind of weather i'm in right now, thats ought to happpen sooner or later.

shut it

i've lost my mood to blog today. all because of you. i hope you feel bad cause the world is shivering right now due to the coldness of my words. the world is suffering right now because you think you're always right. newsflash. you're not god though you give birth to me and you're not who you think you are because you have 2 other people in this house who sucks up to you. i wish i can tell you how hurt and angry i am. just so you know. just so you stop screaming at me. i'm not daft just because the whole world thinks so and i'm not perfect. i'm willing to admit it. but not you. go think of what you had just said to me. i'm hoping you change.

"lub dub lub dub," says my heart.

i went to abang faisal and kak noraini's wedding ceremony today. it was fun. including the part when i saw abg syamsul and abg amri. maybe i should tell u something about them first.

abg syamsul used to relief for my tuition teacher. that day when he came in, i didn't know he was from my religious class. i swear. he came to relief that fateful day. so coincidentally, i had PMS that day or something like that. i was also irritated that my tuition teacher didn't appear cause i had done lots of pratice papers which i wanted her to check. so he got on my nerves or maybe vice versa and something like, "your hair's damn long for a guy" shot out of my mouth. i didn't mean to upset him but it's said and there's nothing i can do about it. and i don't like saying sorry last time. not even thank you. bear with it. i used to be mean. but i've changed since. that event kinda contribute to it. so i went home after the class and on the way down, met my bro, who told me about that guy's identity and i suddenly reflected all i had done in the previous 2 hours to make him totally upset and worsen the situation of his first day at the tuition centre. so, as miss karma and myself had said before, "what goes around, comes around." i felt totally bad after it and since then, everytime his path crossed mine, i'd feel bad and not want to look at him, fearing he would recognise me as the old me and continue to think badly of me. just for the record, abg syamsul, abg amri and abg faisal are best friends since they all go to the same religious class since young.

so the story of abg amri. at the end of last 2 years, december 2005, i met him for the first time. it was at a nightwalk event made for the teenagers in the religious class. he was the smartest and coolest and cutest guy i've ever met in my life on that very day and still is till today. i got crushed, hard. went around asking people, got to know he's the brother of one of my ustazs. and when i ask futher, got to know he's like 20+. there goes my chance. but it doesn't in the least change my opinion of him. he's hot stuff girls!

so anyway, meet all 3 of them today at the wedding. all of them posing for photos with the groom. so when i first saw amri he's like smiling, and if only in my imagination, at me. at first i didn't see syamsul till he passed the camera to amri for his turn at the photo-taking. then as he sat there, next to faisal, he looked my way, probably because of the intense stare i threw he's way. so being the little girl i was, i hid behind my mother, hoping, no, praying, that he didn't see me. so tugged at mum's clothes to move on and grab food and quickly settle down. luckily, mum was understanding enough. when everyone's done taking their food, i voluntered to take drinks for the 3 of us. btw, i was the only child again. then i filled up a glass of drink, realised i only took 1 cup. went over to take 2 more. suddenly, amri came by. i was like...wah. then i moved aside to allow him take his drink first. common courtesy. while taking his drink, he smiled. just the thought that it was for me makes my day. so he moved aside and looked at me. again. so i was smiling back, then moved to take the drinks. he was like behind me drinking from he's cup and i can barely keep my hands steady. that's a record. i didn't even feel this way when ehem was around. i'll tell u about ehem some other day. but if you know me u'll know who i'm talking about.

so got a seat, next to a super cut kid. this little guy was my mum's friend's son. so ya. he was fed little bites and i had fun just watching him eat. but with the super loud booming music and the overly excited wind that kept blowing at my scarf, i couldn't get much into my mouth anyway. so i was holding on to dear life of my scarf and watching that kiddo looking at me with large eyes and laughing when i said boo. it was so cute lah. then out of the corner of my eyes, i saw amri looked at me or maybe the kiddo. none the matter. something cute must have caught his eye to look our way, with that look in his face. awwwww. so while we were eating, abg faisal and his rombongan moved off with further loud and cool noises from the backup artists.

overall, the day had been fun and unnerving for me. most of the thanks going out to the kiddo. i didn't even get his name. nevertheless, i had fun and it was good fun. the kind that doesn't make you feel bad in its aftermath and makes the memory forever etched in your mind.

karma

so yesterday my parents and me went to s'pore expo.
felt like an only child. now i know how huda feels everyday.

at hall 5, the first place we stepped into when we reached, there was an IT sale. so many people were in that hall looking at IT goods and guess what, i saw some things being sold at stupid prices. i mean, the warehouse sale of Creative and Audio House gives better prices as compared to what they sold there. but some things, like the samsung MP3s and memory cards were sold at very good prices. plus, every single IT brands were there. so it was good if you're looking out for a brand which gives the best product at the best price.

at hall 4, was the GREAT JOHN LITTLE SALE, the place we're supposed to go to in the first place. my mum needed to buy a bag and dad needed to buy clothes. i tagged along just to see the place. i didn't have anything to buy and ended up as so. besides, i was broke remember? save for the whole bundle of bedsheets which my parents borong there, i didn't bring home anything else that was mine. it was cheap ok? the usual price is $59.90 and the price we bought it at was $16. so, not a bad bargain, considering we had to push around the crowd at the hourly sale booth just to get the designs for the bedsheets. and i got to pick the NICEST ONE!! so we also bought pillows and bedsheet and ends up i have to carry all those bulky stuff and i just walked through the entire crowd with the two huga plastic bags at my sides. then this whole group of young adults, blocked my way. politely but loudly i said "excuse me... coming thru". since they still remained stuck together, macam belangkas,i just pushed through them. and the girlfriend had the cheek to curse and swear at me for being rude. hello!! i said excuse me and everyone in that hall can hear me! except for you that is. fine ah. i don't care. curse me all you want. it's your freakish fault and lady karma will be on my side on this!

so today. as i've said. i stayed up all the way to 4 am to make the blogskin and also await the arrival of my brother. he was REPRIMANDED!! because he returned home at 4.30 am. he went to play late night soccer with his peeps after work and ended up coming home late. serves u right, sucker! as late as it was, and though i thought i was sleepy at first, i couldn't sleep all the way to morning. did my prayers then went to sleep. woke up at 12 pm at the insistence of mum. i knew i wasn't going to the TPRawks!! yellow group meet-up. i was disappointed but that's life isn't it. full of ups and down. so i decided on a new course of action for the day. had a religious class at 3, so planned to go with sofyya like i always did when i don't know where the house of the person was. so she said meet around 2+. reached tampines interchange at 2.15pm and waited all the way to 2.35 when i sms her asking where she was. she replied me much later saying she on her way there and reaching already. i was pangsei-ed. my dear lady karma help me. i was left to wait there for her when she's gonna reach the place already!! i was angry and upset at the same time. being the d****** that i was, i don't know where the place was and not wanting to have the problem of getting lost in the middle of nowhere, i decided to go window shopping instead. everywhere, the AIDS day was celebrated. i saw the high percentage of malays who got AIDS and this distresses me. we should be the most conservative among all the other races and this happens. not to mention the sins these people have on their back. however, they should consider themselves lucky. they are given a chance to repent for their sins before death and they have a deadline for their life. how i wish i would know when death is coming upon me.

anyway. while window shopping, i suddenly thought of grandmama and thought of paying her a visit. wanted to call my mum to inform her of the plans but the house number was engaged. wanted to call nana then decided to make it a surprise instead. so went there, stayed for a couple of hours then went home. as soon as i reached home, i received a call from nana saying that my aunties and cousins are coming to my house. cools. its been a long time since i've seen my cute nieces and nephews and they're coming here! yay!! it was fun playing with them but that wasn't the highlight of the day.

wanna know something? i became rich again. hahahahahah. ok fine. not all that rich but considering the fact that i was broke before, this is a lot ok. got allowance from mum. got birthday present from nana (super belated btw!) and was given raye money from the aunts and cousins (for raye haji? u've got to be kidding! but nm, i'll take any reason for extra cash) !!!!!
so that's the highlight. jealous? well, don't be. FYI, the money is not going to be used but its going to a good cause. i won't say for what cause if i do its not gonna be good anymore now would it? hahaahah

till later peeps. going to eat and read my books again. wanna go out with huda.....:'(

its born

after weeks and weeks of tiresome and painful trials.
my website for my egoistical and magical wonders have been born.

i'm tired. i'll update more in the night tomorrow. and the trip to sentosa tomorrow has been cancelled. so i'll just sleep the day away. don't expect me to be up and running in the morning.
actually seeing its 3.15 am, i'm already up in the morning. considering i didn't sleep.

good morning then. till then. mademoiselle wul geto sleep no.

time...

while awaiting calls from future employers who i must say take a very, very long time to call me back, i'm spending time with my family and friends. and also, not forgetting, myself.

i've used all sources to search out unmarried cousins' contacts. this is made to strenghten our ties. my idea. good isn't it? hahahaa. self-praise lifts up one's esteem and bring down one's morale. i must strive to remember that.

i've talked and discussed many issues with my family members, from teenage issues affecting people my age, to financial and religious issues that affects me as a whole. i must say its been an enriching experience for both the body and soul.

i've read and re-read books which i never notice were actually at home. and i've learnt a lot of stuffs from mum, mostly the household stuff. HEY! it's interesting ok. do you know that you can use the sides of the bread, which people usually cut away, to make some delicious kuih called kuih kukus? and its so easy to make; add coconut milk and sugar and coluring and just steam it! i'm starting to sound like chef wan here. anyway, besides the point, i've learnt about many things in my family and i wouldn't share it to public. its confidential. akunye pasal ah aku nak share ke tak nak, yang kau kepo sangat nak tau asal? tak de kerje lain ke? ok. i was talking to me again. just for the record, there is me, myself and i. me is myselfnye concience. myself is the sensible one and she does everything. don't push it! ok fine and i am the one who controls everybody else's actions. so everyone has a place and sometimes it gets a little crowded.

so now to calm everyone down and to do something which makes everyone happy, i've gone through the effort of moving myself to the library and get me a book to read. look, i used all, me, myself and i in the job to get a new book. cool huh? shut up i. shut up myself. say sorry both of you. now. before me gets angry.

interesting

this is what the horoscope has to say about me. and only i know how true it is.

scorpio:
If you're not in the mood to be social right now, then don't -- it's much more important to keep yourself as content as possible than it is to get along well with others. Besides, you aren't going to tick anyone off by refusing their invitations. Recently, you've had the tendency to sacrifice your free time whenever someone has asked you to, and that has to stop. It's time to say 'no' just because you feel like it. You don't have to have something to do all the time.

get that man. i'm feeling what it says and now i'm gonna find myself a job. ASAP!!

soot+smoke+heat=fun!!

ok so what have siti done these past few days?
leaving no updates what-so-ever.

on sunday, was girls-day-out for me n mummy
went to a religious class, along the way, she bought for me...MILO PENG!! long time never drink already la and under the searing heat of the sun..it was simply heaven. then we went shopping, wanted to buy clothes then i decided that stuff at bugis were cheaper, so we went on a food search instead. wanted to eat at LJS then didn't know where it was as century square was under construction. so we went to Royals to buy me a brownie and lots and lots of puffs for us and the whole family.

on monday, yesterday, was a hell-lot-of fun for me!
I HAD CLASS BBQ AND CHOIR BBQ AT THE SAME TIME!!
so made plans with yusneeta to meet at class chalet then take cab go to choir one together. i was at downtown already when yus sms to say she and the choir comm were already at the choir bbq. i was stunned, then quickly made plans with fraulein to meet at downtown then take cab together. i was lucky fraulein was agreeable. so had some fun at chalet, try to help at building a fire and failed and ate some food before leaving and meeting fraulein. on the way, i bought soya bean ice-cream (my fav) as fraulein said she'll be running late. licked and licked at my ice cream, but ppl at the bus stop were so crude. i quote," she's licking that thing like a pro seh. wonder where she got her skills from." i was angry and gave them a stare they won't soon forget. bloody devil's incarnates. fraulein came at that moment so i was really grateful for the timing and hailed a cab asap.along the way we talked about our plans for this holiday and our future. i think it was durin then that we patched up. didn't really notice it but since then we were talking like last time. i even forgot the reason why we fought and didn't talk for the longest time. like people say, time heals all wounds. but as all wounds, the scar still remain and though we may be like we used to, it will never be the same again. "it's too late to apologise". then we met most of the choir people there, and kuan hon with his antics forever funny and irritating but fun all the same. went home very late, after everyone else had left, sent home by rui shan's dad. made a promise, i'll swear to keep unless fate would have it otherwise. i'll buy the choir concert ticket from you alrite? don't worry.

on tuesday, today.
I WOKE UP AT 12PM PEOPLE!!
guess i was really that tired. at 1230pm, after showers and lunch, my dad, bro n i went to the white sands to borrow some books at the library and go shopping for groceries. along the way, i remembered i was supposed to go back to school and see the choir practice. sms fraulein. she said she's also not going. i wanted to inform one of the choir members, realised i didn't have any of their contact. i felt bad. as fate would have it, i didn't fulfil one of the things i said i would do, again. so shoot me, i'm not perfect. i tried to better the situation and failed. shut up concience! went home quickly and saw hui xin was online so made plans to go class chalet with her. came earlier so that i can help out with the fire again! and like all the times before, i ended up doing nothing but be the one to buy and carry charcoals and fire starters back to the chalet. bo jun, siew yin and hui xin did most of the work while i just stood by and fanned the smoke from the fire building up. at least this time, the fire build up faster thanks to the new charcoals which i bought! so ok. about 15 minutes later everyone started bringing out food and bbqueing it together. night came slowly into the picture and shuhadah and zai wang and the boys from my class came with it. so the boys really did nothing except to eat and entertain cute mr tan and his daughter who came later. i was rather hoping that more teachers would come but again i was disappointed. nevertheless, i had fun. and that was all that matters.

so went home bout 1030, earlier then yest, which was at 1130. then got lectured by mum about going out and returning at such late hours, which was really inappropriate for a girl and also the pet talk about how i should really take care of my prayer timings. fine, i deserve it. knew it was coming anyway after all these time when i keep going out for all the poly camps and the outings to meet up with friends and huda and all that. i'm repentant. i'm truly sorry Allah for forgetting you at times and i would do my best to make up for it and not to repeat it again. i knew i was wrong and i truly regret all my actions. please forgive me Allah and know that i will always love you, no matter what i do.

chitty-chitty bang,bang

It's saying Chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty,
(Bang - Bang)
Bang Bang!
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we'll do.
Near, far, in our motor car
Oh what a happy time we'll spend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Chitty Bang BangChitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang BangChitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang BangChitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we'll do.
Near, far, in our motor car
Oh what a happy time we'll spend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Your sleek as a thoroughbred.
Your seats are a feather bed.
You'll turn everybody's head today.
We'll glide on our motor trip
With pride in our ownership
The envy of all we survey.
Oh Chitty You Chitty
Pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And Chitty, in ChittyPretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang what we'll do.
Near Chitty, far Chitty, in our motor car Oh what a happy time we'll spend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.....(hold)
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Fine four fendered Chitty Chitty friend!!

the song is stuck in my head
so, kill me. i'm in love with the musical
thankies alot to wak jo n cik intan who belanjed me the $52 tixs. U're the best!!
and nakiah, for the wonderful time. we bonded. thank god.
and kak norlin, for leading the way, i'll be lost without you. literally.
and HUDA!!!!, i love you ok? your troubles are mine and i'll help you carry the burden alrite dear? we had so little time together. i'm sad. but glad there'd be a next time:) can't wait to see you again!!

Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi
Chu-chi, Woo-chi, Ooo-chi, Coo-chi pair!! (yay! to all the casts of chitty-chitty bang bang!)

eye-opener

tprawks is still the bestlah...
maybe i'm biased due to the travel distance and time
RedCamp at ngee ann poly was good due to these reasons:

1. FOOD WAS SUPER-DUPER-SUMO GOOD! (they served us with KFC, Pizza Hut, buffet dinner, BREEKS and RAMEN TEN!!! now what could best that huh?)
2. The SLs are HORNY PEOPLE!! (don't think dirty alrite. we are the vikings. i'm sure that explains a lot.)
3. The claps and cheers are funny and lame! i like...hahaahahah
4. People don't have to walk from one school to the other within the campus itself. as pampered brats for the 3 days, we had shuttle buses bringing us around the school. even if the distances weren't all that far. heheehe!!
5. we had funny people in the group. special mention of Jamal, u're hilarious man. get a job.
6. they had ZOUK OUT! on the last day, with bands, percussions and djs in da house!!

ok. that's all. i wished i had more to say. but these are good enough. as there are also bad memories of that place and not mentioning the few number of enemies i made there, i think the list was enough to summarise my disappearance for these days. btw, np's redcamp ends late everyday and with the 1 hour long journey(not including bus rides), i reach home real night. i'd be too tired to even watch tv. that being as it was, i'm writing the negative side of the event:

1. the structure of the event was disorganised
2. there was no ushers along the way and many were lost at many a times
3. the people there did not socialise. i don't think its because they are anti-social. the time to socialise just never seemed right, plus, there was no effort done by the PLs to get us together. its all diy and there was no time to make friends. not good.
4. only good-looking people are noticed. i'm not complaning. its true. but that's life isn't it?
5. during ZOUK OUT! security was not tight. and it's open to the public. not a move you want to make if you want the red campers to feel comfortable and safe while having fun. the "guests" were making out right in front of us man and there were kids below 10 yrs old there too making a havoc in the place. i mean, WT~.
6. i didn't like 1 person there and suddenly i was the most outcasted person. luckily, friends stood beside me and i'm glad to have known you guys. thank you.
7. i missed so many shows. including the the 1st episode of season 2 supernatural and the last episode of season 1 supernatural..AGAIN!!! damn it.

i realised after tprawks and red camp, i don't really like partying and dancing it midst of so many people. so i guess, no more rock concerts and clubbing for me. i'm going to be a good muslimah from now on ok? i strive to be, everyday, and everyday i learn more.

on the 20th was prom night. heard it was good. fine. i didn't go and i am sad. enough already. i'm gonna be like Huda already. i'm going to hate proms from now on. hmph*

i still don't understand how to put up blogskins. thank you heda alot alot and alif too. but i still don't get it. everything seems to be missing when you change a blogskin. so now, i'm not gonna care,ok? *one angry clap, *clap, NOT HAPPY COME!!

today is gonna be gereks lah, i'm going to the musical CHITTY-CHITTY BANG BANG!! wohooooo! it's my favourite musical since young as there's so much fun and excitement in the show. try watching it. not all musicals are choir-opera type. High school musical is one example.

and Huda's having open house today. so tonight, i'm gonna die of exhaustion and fun. so be jealous bored people. i'm living a life of a 16-yr-old to the CORE!! woots! wootza!!

mondays...

it's monday.

there are a few reasons that makes this monday special:

1) its the first monday i'm able to wake up at 11
2) its the first monday i don't have to wake up thinking about what time the o's will start
3) its the first monday when i've woken up with nothing in mind of what to do other than slacking and prayers
4) its the first monday i've woken up as a 16-year-old
5) its the first monday i felt bad waking up to coz i just wanted to continue sleeping

i'm still going to be emo these few days and continue posting up my works. and hadi suggested i translate some of the malay writings. i'll see how it goes. cause sometimes in the process of translation, the meanings behind the works gets lost. so, as i said, i'll see how it goes. and btw, i may not be online tomorrow, as i'll be going to johor to shop or be going job hunting and window-shopping in town. we'll see how it goes.

"only time will heal all wounds," they say.
"they don't know the true feelings of getting rejected time and time again. its like getting stitches for a wound and it keeps re-opening, without the wounds getting healed," i reply.
"well, maybe, the wounds aren't really there."
"i can lie about many things, even about my very existance; but i'll never lie about getting hurt."

karyaku

Kesan dari Kekasih

ku lafazkan kata cintaku padamu
ku menyayangimu setulus hatiku
ku mendampingimu agar kau tahu
ku ikhlas memberi kasihku padamu

jangan kau pergi meninggalkanku sepi
tanpa dirimu aku keseorangan lagi
aku mendambakan kasih sayangmu kini
tanpaku sedari kau hilang aku sendiri

kau merupakan segalanya bagiku
kehadiranmu membawa syurga bagiku
namun kau pergi hilang meninggalkanku
aku sendirian tanpamu sedih dan pilu

jangan kau cuba dekati diriku lagi
hati yang tersiat baruku jahit kembali
kau telah membawa luka yang kekal abadi
jiwa ragaku kini berparut kesan dari kekasih

Pergimu ketenanganku

kekecohan memecahkan sunyi
diriku menggigil dalam api
kebahangan diri ditinggalkan pergi
diriku pilu dalam badan sepi
ku dimamah kepahitan ngeri

mengapaku berteman namun sendiri
kekecohan malam membawakan mimpi
mengalu-alukan kedatangan diri ini
ku tenang tanpa kau disisi
ku senyum kini kerana kau tiada lagi

lupakan sahaja driku yang hina
mudahnya untuk diriku dicerca
aku terseksa
kepedihannya bak beribu jarum menusuk jiwa
kau melilitkanku di dalam nista
kini kau tiada aku gembira

permainan minda merosakkan rasa
permainan hati menodai hati murni
permainan mata mengikis kesucian cinta
permainan jiwa menjatuhkan kebenaran yang sedia ada

mengapa hati merana dek kepalsuan cinta
mengapa hati merasa jiwa yang terluka
mengapa hati berat menerima hakikat hidup penuh panaroba

Kamu

kehadiranmu sayang
menghidupkan kembali hatiku yang gersang
adanya dirimu di sampingku
membuat jiwa mudaku ingin bermain kembali

kehidupan yang telah lama terkubur
mendambakan gerimis kasih sayangmu
tanpa ragu, tanpa perlu
kau menambat hatiku yang satu
kau menjadi kunci pintu kebahagianku
kau menjadi satu-satunya yang bertahta dalam hidupku

percayalah kata-kataku sayang
kanku sayangimu selalu
kanku hargaimu bak permata diraja
kanku cintaimu bak labah-labah mencintai telurnya

kanku pastikan
kepercayaan antara kita
tidak goyah dek angin siulan mereka yang cemburu
kanku pastikan
kita akan selalu bersama
dengan cinta suci kita bersama

Cinta kita

ku tak pernah tahu erti cinta
apa maknanya jatuh tanpa luka
kini segalanya telah berubah
ku hilang arah secara tiba-tiba

ku tak pernah minta kasih sayang untuk diri ini
kernaku tahuku tak pantas dikasihi
namun hidupku kini kau penuhi
dengan kasih sayang tulus dari hati

sayang... ku perlukanmu dalam hidupku
sayang... ku tak ingin berpisah darimu
sayang... agar doaku terkabul jua
Allah... restui kasih kita berdua

my works

Gone and in pain

soul-shattered, ripped and tattered
my heart is broken in words unspoken
Life brings no more thrill
in the roundabout motion of Allah's wheel

sadness-consumed; leave me to feel
what life offers is everything but nil
bring me back my life, my kill
not then leave me be, give me time to heal

Tinted pearl of love

i know nothing when infatuated
i thought everything when you reacted
yet when you leave, life contracted
leaving me bleeding, raging with hatred

why you act as if we connected
why you leave left me waited
why you open gesturing i entered
why you turn drive me rapted

with desperation i fled my world
with my spirit and soul i searched the pearl
the one you took when you went away
the one i'm searching for till today
the one keeping my senses at bay
the one i need to survive another

My hurts

a crying for help from deep within
to escape a life, a penitentiary
waiting for a life of new begins
pseudo-fate of a day of wanton misery

prevaricate the silence of dark
wishing for a light shining star
discordant with my stoical mark
hinerant of immortal utopia

faith guides through querulous span
staid my soul in rustic nature
having one life wishing it to end
waiting for delight in forever rapture

i snivelled, i bawled, i blubbered and roared
yet nobody answered though i cried out loud
i'm alone in darkness i know naught
my soul is shattered, my light is out

Give way

how dare you leave me
without a smile
without goodbye

how can breathe again
knowing your reminiscence haunts me
knowing your inevitable absence kills me

i'm stuck forever in silent anguish
my dignity scarred, my essence marred
my trust hammered, my love derided

can't you see now so clearly
i'm aching for you from deep within
occupied and oblivious to my feelings
your ignorance leave me in pain so slicing

leave me now never return
as my heart had already been left to burn

Nothing waits

torn between the reality and the misery
i immense myself in Life's irony
loving and hating is never easy
sometimes it hurts, sometimes it remedies

gather up hopes to continue living
overcoming the pain forever hurting
my remeniscence alive, forever bugging
my future life is disturbed with it chasing

the past has already happened
i must forget and stop turning back
all that had been could never return
for future is forward and i cannot lag

time is moving never waiting
for wounds to heal, for souls aching
as life is mobile, alive and kicking
i must continue this journey, live on enduring

Sweet love

i had never seen utopia
i had never felt bliss
i had never wanted heaven
until you came

you changed my world
now i can never know anything else
other than your hug
other than your kiss
other than your love

your love is like the river
it never stops flowing
i never realised till yesterday
how important you are to me

im like the daisy growing at the bank of your river
without your presence
i will wither
no more alive
dead and lifeless

now i realised i need you everyday
my life is nothing without your love

one that seem difficult to imagine
one that is not possible to live
one that is unbearable to leave

Yourself

I'm in desperate need of something
Yet i am not able to point it out
But when i'm around you
The need of that something disappears
The want of anything else vanish
What is it that you possess?
Why am i like this?

Show me what you are giving me
Cause i'm now blinded by something each time you look at me
Cause i'm now in a world i'm not able to explain
Cause I'm now lost in a world you abandon

Show me what your presence bring
Show me your love...

My love

i feel so lost, so cold
without you my world is empty
without you i feel no life beating in me
without you the beauty in me is all gone
my world now no more round

the perfect crystals of dreams
are now just broken pieces of glass
pieces created as you left
pieces created as you turn away

when you are gone
i'm no more special
as i'm created for you
and i lose reason to live when you're no more here

when you are gone
my world is empty, without company
my beauty is gone without a sound
my life has turned into something baneful

i miss your love
i miss your care
i miss your laughters and smiles
which gave me cause to pull through another day

i miss your hugs
i miss your sweet kisses
i miss your gentle endearments which showered me
with life
with love
with happiness
i wan to be with you forever
yet my insecurities had pushed you away
yet my immaturity had killed my own life
yet my doubts of your love had crushed our circle of trust

when i finally break through
i'll turn to you
i'll want you back

however, you were so cold
like you hated the very sight of me
but i knew hatred too well to know you still love me

please come back to me my darling, my life, my soul
i'll give anything to be with you again
just to feel your love and happiness again
just to feel alive again
cause you are my Life

today is poetry day

my glasses broke yestereve
hence, due to my blindness for the day, i'll spend most of my time here.
Instead of going to the Creative warehouse sale and searching for a job at town.

this is a random post, to those who wants to know about my life updates.
i don't really want to write this, but since this is what blogging is all about, well, why not?

i prefer to express my feelings in poetic writings.
DON'T ask me WHY i LOVE poetry.
its just my way of expression.
try and understand me.
i know its not easy.
even i sometimes don't understand what i have written.
however, there is one thing you should know about it.

my words are true coming from the very soul of my life
my thoughts and feelings rule my head instead
my eyes would not be able to tell my life story
the way my words express the very want and cry of my heart

happy,sad,angry,confused

i've not blogged for days.
that's a long time.
feels like years.
so much had occured in this time frame.

1) Completed O'levels
2) Went to TPRawks!! (for 3 days~everyday ended late, it explains everything)
3) Enjoyed an exciting, exhilarating and enriching time with the BEST PLs in the world (edrick,lou and ah yeong-u rock!!)
4) Had another painful and unfruitful crush (he's damn cute but he's popular and doesn't notice i'm there)
5) Had a bashing and wet birthday
6) Had the sweeeeetest 16 ever (i laughed so hard and got the most wonderful birthday wishes from every loved one!-thank you from the bottom of my gratified heart)
7) Had a sorrowful goodbye from TP (besides the fact tt i missed more than half of the jamnhop, the person i liked still doesn't know i exist)
8) Cried without reason while praying
9) Had a wonderful time with Huda and Kak Norls
10) I find though i'm 16, i still find it hard to handle crushes (damn the emo hormones)

I want to blog about many things. This is just a summary of life for now. Tomorrow and next week will be packed with activities too. I'll have a lot to write about. And i'm gonna post a lot of my poetry works. So my fans, wait for it alright:))

the END is here

finally, the stressful o's is over
not that it made any impact on me
i was enjoying it
lived every single second of it

i am in pain today
everything aches
my neck, my back, my head,my legs
and i can't do anything about it

went to Pak Long's house
swear he's one of the main contributer to global warming
he smoked 5 cigarettes in 2 hours, while watching tv, in front of me

i'm prejudiced against smokers, alcoholics and drug-addicts
so shoot me, they are killing themselves
and as i said, Allah sent people who kill themselves to hell and back again
for millions of years, not that i'm saying Allah is bad
THEY DESERVE IT!

and since we're on the topic
every sign of the world's end that is stated in the Quran has appeared except for a few
here's to name some

• Women are dressed like men and vice versa
• Men are starting to forget the existance of Allah
• Women are dressed like how they were in cave-years
• Everythings changing to become like yesteryears
• So many moons and stars are clashing in the universe
• Solar eclipse and the moon eclipse occured in the same year(which is impossible)
• The holy words in the Quran are disappearing(i think it happened in the middle-east)
• The sun is appearing from the west in some countries(so scary)
• Many lives are killed and people don't even notice it

So, be scared people, as the end is near and every being other than the human race is in fear.

all in a day's work

exhausted...but sleep doesn't come to me
tired...but my eyes wouldn't seem to shut
fatigued...but i can't shake off this jittery, fluttery feeling

wonder why...
curious.

wonder why i feel this way
wonder why i feel better when i give instead of receive
wonder why i feel bitter at watching a couple loving each other
wonder why i feel desire to learn more about overcoming my fear

its a beautiful feeling, like a fairytale from my daydreaming
its a bedevilling feeling, like a world no more its being

don't ask me why
i'm wasting precious time

i'm exhausted from running a race only i can see
i'm tired of living a lie i can't break free
i'm fatigued in my want to have a better half... a better me

truly, just let me be
i'm not absented from Life's pain just because i'm a professional in the art of Masks
i'm not a person whom you think i am
i know you have found me in the most deceitful lie
and i cannot tell you otherwise but believe this one lie i tell you now

i love what you have given to me...so preciously, so freely
even if what you have given me breaks a heart i didn't know i possess
i love what you have taught me...so sincerely, so earnestly
even if i know you didn't thought of giving me a lesson in life that i would remember

forever...
forever...
forever..

its almost done

wierd how fast time past when we don't take notice of it
except, of course, during the examination itself

i had gone through very bad times with some of the papers
and special surprises with others
i'm not mentioning which papers got my nerves hot and boiling and which soothes the throat
cause it is said to be bad luck or something like that
not that i'm a believer in all things "blacknbad"
however, i do believe in Allah's power
so now all i'd do is pray hard
and may Allah give me what is best for myself and my future
for Allah knows everything
and i'll leave it in his powers
to help me through my desperate cries for help.

i'm going out tomorrow
to celebrate my success of having gone through social studies and bio on the same day
so, be jealous...
i don't care what you feel

I DESERVE THIS!

"EnJoYinG O's"

a lil update on life
wanted to update yesterday
but life takes upon its on wheels

if you know what i meant, you're smart.

anyways, i've completed 4 papers
12 more to go....

Additional maths was not as tough as i thought
except maybe 4-5 questions which really got on my nerve
and the FACT that i chose the more difficult question for both papers
not a good sign

Pure Chemistry was...ok
I don't know how to describe it and fyi i don't usually use the word "OK"
and a special annoucement,
I would like to thank alif and heda for helping me in chem
cause apparently i'm weak at it
and the questions they answered helped me
and i meant that literally(one of the qn actually appeared exactly as i asked)

Elective geography....(sigh exaggerately)
I'm praying i'll at least pass
cause the paper was tough
and when i say that i mean it
and to afiqah, don't cry my dear
i'll pray for us both ok?

overall, i'm "enjoying o's"(notice the inverted commas)
but truly...
i thought o levels is one scary nightmare in everybody's life
it doesn't sound as bad as it actually is

Lend me your strength Allah

i'm not feeling the stress i ought to

don't know why

it maybe because of this few things
*i'm sick
*hari raya mood
*dizzy feeling
*constant daydreamin
*etc...

don't mind me...i'm normal

and i wished for a better world
everyday and night

and i pray that Allah will help me
every minute of the day

and i ask for Allah's forgiveness
with every breath i take

Allah Almighty...bless my soul and the people around me
with your strenght and courage
to live through Life's most painstaking ordeal
and have the power to rise to the challenges ahead

not again

I"M SICK AGAIN~4days before o'levels
and i have tuitions and meet-the-teacher session everyday

I thought having the flu during prelims is bad

THINK AGAIN!!

truly...come on

how can i survive
with a dead phone
with all my contacts gone
one day before raya
8 days before o'levels

how can i survive
with so much work pilled up
days before chemistry o's

how can i survive
juggling housework and memorywork
at the same time

how can i survive
having the need to study and the want of celebrations
having the care to revise and the courtesy to serve the visitors
having all of this with my concience gnawing at my hindbrain

Love my Earth

I, Siti Khairunnisa bte Abdul Jalil, swears by all that is true
to love and care for Mother Nature
to detest people who cause the world to be in pain right now
to cherish every single being on Earth
every plant,tree and flower
every drop of precious water
every last breath of air in the atmosphere

may my Mother Nature rest in peace today,tomorrow and in future.

I'M REBORN AT LAST!

i once had a blog...
then,
i went into a sec 4 life.

i'm sure that explains a lot.

or does it?

i'm random.

hate me.love me.despise me.admire me.

for all i care, i finally have a functional blog again.
reborn...
14 days before judgement day...
22.10.2007
a.maths o'level paper one
the first paper for my whole o'level

i like writin poetry
sometimes if i don't make sense
don't ostracise me, critise me, label me
blame yourself for not being smart enough to understand me

i speak english,malay,indonesian...some chinese
i listen
my mind is controlled not by my body alone
blame my medulla oblangata
i don't care

I LOVE YOU...
that being said
don't kill yourself
cause if you die i will cry
and Allah knows that wouldn't be nice
it secures you a place in hell.
so obviously, its not good....
GET IT!?