bad day

today's lesson starts late. cos there's e-learning. alhamdullilah.

cos if not i'm gonna die.
today's lineup of not so desirable events:
2-4: POM Lecture
4-6: POM Tutorial
6-9: Samba Percussion Orientation

so as you have guessed...i'll be tired as hell. and the only consolation prize would be what i've done yesterday.

yesterday, had lessons from morning all the way to 6. bought my books and all. saw him. twice! so on the bus, like as always, the aftermath of bombardation of feelings to my heart, made my head spin and suddenly, i have this urge to cycle. even though my body pleads for rest. but reaching home at 7.30 didn't do anything to salvage the raw, tender moment i'm having with my conflicting soul. my parent's usual habit of stopping me from doing most things which is good to me but horrendous to them was up to a limit i could stand. i kept telling me and myself to stop thinking and just let things be. in the end, i won. tears which were held back fell. and i left home feeling like a run-away kid. only with my little bro along. wanted to be alone. so only after riding hard for more than an hour did i stop and gave him and my precious bike a rest. only during that break did i open my mouth but very few words left it. during that hour's ride, my mind, body and soul came together and we saw peace. i guessed all of them wanted the same thing me, myself and i crave which is happiness. and the way to achieve that doesn't involve wallowing in sorrows of the past. hence, i hereby declare peace. i will laugh till my stomach ache. i will seek every happiness with no expectations what-so-ever. i will do it, with every concious effort, at my very best.

at this moment in my life, i want to thank zue a lot. you're the only one who understands. and i give thanks to Allah for giving me the precious gift of your friendship:) you help make each problem lighter. i promise i'll treasure this for life.

facts about HIM

realise my title. it wrote facts. i mean it.

1. he doesn't know i exist.
2. he is all i think about even with hot guys around me.
3. i miss him every moment of the day.
4. my heart skips 3 beats everytime i get a glance of him.
5. i can look at him all day, all months, all years, all centurions and will still feel like i've not looked at him enough.
6. the thought of him stir up so many emotions i could not describe. i feel scared, angry, sad, happy, confuse and something else i couldn't understand.
7. i would sacrifice getting hurt just so i could feel what it is like to be loved by him for a moment.
8. i would not cry when he gets attached to someone else for i know he would be happy and i will be happy for him although i know i'd die inside.
9. i don't think i hate this obsession. it's just new. although i've felt it since last year.
10. i think i love him. a lot. enough to let him go. enough to let him seek a wonderful, beautiful world without my presence.

a ring with no meaning

time and again i've been shot
yet this time, cupid has got me caught
his arrow was all gold, shining and proud
yet it was broken, bleeded with blood

i was tainted with a lover's soul
to give without expectations
to let go even when it'll slice your very soul
to love if only to get hurt

now that i've learn to love
to give my heart, my soul
my spirit is soaring to limits so far
only to be condemned with ignorance by my arrow's heart

thou shall love with no guard
the everlasting curse of love without a doubt

i'm constantly bruised by painful thoughts

the thought of loving with no lover
the thought of giving to no receiver
the thought of knowing no ever after...

first day, first week, first sem.

so today's supposed to be the first day of school, officially.
but i'm not in school. not in some lecture theatre enlarging my butt size.

that's cos my weekends are now increased to 3 days instead.
through a stunning conincidence!
no lessons at all.
now who could ask for more?
i'm spared of monday blues!
alhamdullilah syukur!

so i'm supposed to update a lot.
but these few days i've been too busy.

thursday and friday was my orientation.
it was great fun lah!!
biz, biz, biz, biz-nesss!!
so business school won again!
4th time in a row some more!
and as promised by all fyrhto-ians...we're damn high there lah!
and with zue as my greatest buddy, i don't think the days could be better.
except for the fact that i missed the jam n hop on the last day due of a couple of reasons.

and there i got to know my new class an my timetable for first sem in tp.
the reactions were as followed,
oh-->wah!--> OMG!!
so yah, as you can tell, i was exhilarated even before school start.
my class people are damn funny. and we can only become more united in the years to come.
oh! before i forgot.
my class have a lot of chio-bu one! if not chio then is cute lor! (note:i'm not self-praising here ok? this is just something i noticed)
i mean like seriously, it is something you'll never expect from our A&F course lah. i won't comment about the guys lah. they are just fun and friendly people!
and my WHOLE class participated in the storm which business people had! AWESOME GILER canns?! the cans which i used to cheer was so disoriented later, ppl called me a bang-er! hahaas!
btw, i'm in 1A07. so if you're in school, don't forget to say hi! if i don't say it 1st that is. (which is most likely not gonna happen...lol)

btw, to my class people, if i forgot your name don't scold k? i'm one with stmxxxl! :X
and if you guys want the class photos (which i know you do) just ask me at msn k?
my email system is eff-ing with me right now so i can't send anything to you guys.
it'll just get sent back to me:((

maybe i'll post it here later when i free. don't know when that will be though:P

anyways, back to life. last saturday was the end ceremony cum cert presentation of mekar. held at lagun sari. the lunch was at 2.30pm. but you know lah. janji melayu.
so after the presentations and stuff the we can all eat. by that time, it was 4+ already lah!
btw, many people were there. even people who didn't attend the course:X
but it was fun!
one of the reason it was so was because my family won the most supportive family award! hahahs! we were given this huge hamper which i had to carry home.
got a backache because of it seh! but it was ok lah.
i knew, since my older bro weren't around, i had to be the next backbone of the family.

then, as we were eating there was this 2 guys who performed for us.
their original song was so nice! i asked for encore but since i was the only one who wanted it nobody cared:( but the song was good! too bad my cam broke down on me at the most unappropriate time! i did manage to get a pic of them only. even that isn't clear cos so many people were recording and taking pics them lah!

the day ended with me missing the sentosa trip with all fo people.
but i'd sacrifice one for the other.
to me, family is more important. cos, very rarely, we have this kinda things together.
besides, fyrhto have so many random outings together!
you get confused whether the outing is today or tomorrow.

then yesterday.
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY HAKIM!!
tho you got sick on your burfday:( i pray that you'll get well soon alrite! so you can enjoy more happy times with your family and friends!!

and for the first time yesterday, my family went to warong penyet at changi!
the food there was booty-liciously good!
i tell you. the sambal there was so hot! but it was GEREKS!! hahahas
and the drink which i ordered. it was called soda gembira.
my first reaction was. *zeng!
like it taste like f&n strawberry flavour with condensed milk.
then, as you mix the whole drink it taste like 21st century bandung! damn nice lah!!
hahhahs. i'm drooling right now can? even though i just had my mum's best nasi lemak for lunch!

i think that's all for now folks. i'll post pictures on my next entry. for now, i have to prepare stuff for tomorrow's first lesson of my poly life! even though the lesson is like at 4pm! and will only end at 6. good luck to me bah! jia yous!!

the spirit of fyrhto

the yaku-ness have yet to stop with random outing organised here and there.
there was one yesterday organised by zain.
there is one today organised by roslan as a super random outing.
i was there yesterday...surprisingly. didn't realised i'll be given the chance to do so.
thank god my parents allowed. after much persuasion and chores done to suit their souls.

oh before i forget!!
to haziq aka zack.
sorry i didn't mention your name.
i totally forgot till i notice your absence yesterday.
the hype in trox just wasn't there!
i guess we're not the same without you and the rest who weren't there:P

so the day was great. with a lot of threatening skies and quite a couple of droplets of missed raindrops. we had cycling and skating at ecp. went to ecp with a bunch of fyrhtos who are damn hyper. go people!! met with some others at mcs and ate another round of lunch there before going to meet the rest already outside the rental place for skates and bikes. i swear i love my empire!! although many times during the cycling i found myself talking to random people and making friends along the way!

soon after, the skies got dark. i didn't even notice time flies that fast! and we were on our way to PP for dinner. and poor jin had his pants torn and had to change it. while waiting for him, people were like making crappy talk and filing missing people report. so wierd. i was like..random. but that's what random outings are for right?

met with zue and i swear the talk from my mouth just wouldn't stop. she's the elder sister and best friend i never had. I LOVE ZUE PLEASE?? and the group broke up as soon as the rest got settled down at the old cinema at parkway. the muslim people went to grab their food at banquet at PP. i swear i have never heard of such mixtures to produce that bunch of us. there was like chinese, indian, indon, malay, arabs and many, many more. i was like...woah! so cool! and i must give this compliment to ahmad! you're the most chundy guy i've ever met! go ahmad!! and guess what? as usual, zue and me had the same thing in mind and we both bought desserts instead of actual food there! hahahs!! we rock canns?

then after more crapping and bonding me and zue left. i needed to reach home by 10 man! this is like my final chance at redemption lah! so ok. the talk me and zue had on the bus was very enlightening. i swear i can not love her more than what i feel for her right now. i can share the whole world's misery with her and i know she'll be there to support me when i fall. shed a few tears reminising on the past. and we have a lot to learn from each other. she had already taught me so much on friendship and love. thank you zue. from the bottom of my heart.

Yaku!!

FYRTHO OEI!!
AH..TUI TUI TUI TUI!!!

so yah...

i was supposed to blog about camp last night but i slept on the job....literally. was so very tired but what killed me last night was the banging in my brain that wouldn't stop.
effects of the aftermath of a really

BIG BANG-ED EXCELLENT CAMP!!

foc was great! truly. it lived up to its expectation. but what made it extremely special was the spirit my sub-empire group had and the friends i've made a long the way.

my sub empire group is called fyrthrox. the first reason it's called that is probably because yup! u guessed it! WE ROX!! and i tell you...i can forget almost everything. but not the feelings this camp had revealed to me. i did everything a person will do in a lifetime in 3 days time. we cheered till i lost my voice on the 2nd day yet still won't stop cheering on the 3rd day, danced hard, played harder, get my best skinnies in muddy fields, bathed in god-knows-what water, lost all sense in the world, got embraced by the largest number of people i know, cried over the loss battle but won the war at the end, and made the best friends i can never had imagined of having in a surprisingly surprising short period of time and the walls i had around me broke down everytime i laugh...and people know how much i love laughing! like the song goes...heaven is a place on earth! the spirit the team had...during the challenges and throughout the cheering and breathless running touched my soul like no one had ever before. if we had a just one more chance, i'll turn back the clock just to live through the last day of camp again...even if its only for a few more hours. i wished that the camp would never end. in a way, i guess understood what the graduates felt like yesterday. it was emotional. but then again, i could never stand a guy's tears. most probably its because those tears are the most rare and the most precious. so to all the gls who's leaving tp, i have a dedication just for you.


For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of YOU!!

miss fyrhto truckloads! esp my subemp. FYRHTROX!!

u guys are the greatest for giving me the best days of my life.

and to the timons!!
U"RE FREAKING BAIK CANNS??

and to zue.
like i said, I LOVE U! ALOTS!

and to ehm! ehm!
i saw u again. hurts like hell the fact i'm still invisible to u.
and the fact that what i feel for u can only grow.

and to my FAs, and GLs, especially nina, amelia, syirin, eileen, jy, ali, shep, ling yu, ruslan, farhan and many many more
you made my 3 days POWPOW!

ok. enuf mushy stuff.
as soon as my brain clear enough to remember the things we did at camp, i'll blog again. but for now....

ALL THE REST CAN GO PAISAI!!

i'm such a bad sister...

TO OMI!!!!
HAPPY BELATED 18th B'DAE!!

yuh i noe i still owe you your proper b'dae present but i hope the trip to ketok me at JL Expo sale was enough to satisfy your needs for a bit yah? btw, i think going shopping wif you and spending my hours of sleep to stay up and watch man u match with u on the morning of your b'dae is just awwww...


u're the one who wanted a unique b'dae gift;)

a life of meaning

these few days, i've not updated.
not coz i'm very busy.
i was busy doing nothing.
honestly.

finding the meaning of life.
(i sound like lydia sum can?)

but, seriously.
i've now seen the world through my older bro's eyes.
and with kak suhaila's advice the other day, i've become a more wholesome person.

i've seen how nasty parents can be.

for the first time in my life, i've experience my self-esteem going down a notch.
only a notch.
i won't give them that much credit.
they don't deserve it.
they don't deserve me and my brother.

they pulled the plug on us when man u had a match against aston villa.
and they score 4-0!
wasted nak mampos!
i won't blame them though. it was partly my fault. actually, it was their fault!
but then who asked me to watch step up 2 and wasted electricity in the afternoon?
but don't blame me. i was bored to death.
tried writing up some poetry. mental block.
tried cleaning up my damn room. won't budge.
tried exercising indoors. felt uber stupid.

so here i am. i feel super stuck at home.
this place which i once call home is hell now.
bro and me even started planning to move out asap.
and i didn't know my brother was that deep.
omi, we rock as a tag team!

btw, yesterday's match of man u vs as roma rocks my socks!!
especially the first goal by chris!
i tell you, i found love. he's soccer god! (exaggerated seh!)
he fell on his back after that tajam header and i tell you he was what my bro and i classify as, suffering in happiness. just like us right now.

we're suffering. our parents treat us like flies.
my bro's own words, "they're showing their true colours now".
they're scolding us for living!

don't waste water.don't waste electricity.don't waste chilli sauce!
nothing under their noses can be wasted. i mean it. NOTHING!!

i'm depressed. god please help me.
even huda have to go to school and live a life.
i don't even have a school to go to!
damn holidays.

i told you i'd hate a life where i don't work.
no pay.
no life.
no nothing.
i'm not allowed to throw vulgarities on the net.
blame it on my conscience.
but how i wish i have no conscience right about now.

so as you know.
the never-going-to-happen-meetup with huda didn't happen. again!
and so is the cycling with kak norls.
an so is the class gathering i was supposed to go.
stupid!

and dad won't stop nagging coz i'm alive.
not coz he can't, but coz he can.

and mum won't stop siding him.
i feel like cinderella can?

anyways, i got round to returning the choir blazier.
like finally.
at the right moment pulak tu. after founder's day.
this is the moment i get emotional.
i was supposed to be invited to that very founder's day.
for prize-presentation.
for me.
but i wasn't.
get over it.
but i can't.
it's just so sad.
instead people who don't contribute to the school get recognition.
bloody people who don't deserve the recognition.
trust singapore to have a system of meritocracy.
so much for a school which puts effort into building a holistic education for its students.
i don't even get a simple thank you for the things i've done to the school.
hell. the teachers don't even realise what i've done.
all they care about are students who excel in their academic studies and sucky lick-the-teachers-boots cca leaders.
and of course the ever-useless student leaders.
thank god i'm out of the school.
i don't think i'm able to stand a moment longer living in a place full of hypocrits.

temasek poly here i come!!

this 10th is the camp.
and i cant wait for it to start.
coz after that, my life will just start rolling.

by the way...my school is called bus.
bodoh kan? (ain's copyrighted slogan)
and i'm in class 1.1 in accountancy and finance course.
god help me. i'm excited for school to begin!

and mum's started her scolding becoz i'm using electricity again.
so goodbye humans.
i'm off to living a life of a ugah-ugah man.

my handphone's still alive tho. thanks to cik ida's line.
besides that i'm practically dead.