a life of meaning

these few days, i've not updated.
not coz i'm very busy.
i was busy doing nothing.
honestly.

finding the meaning of life.
(i sound like lydia sum can?)

but, seriously.
i've now seen the world through my older bro's eyes.
and with kak suhaila's advice the other day, i've become a more wholesome person.

i've seen how nasty parents can be.

for the first time in my life, i've experience my self-esteem going down a notch.
only a notch.
i won't give them that much credit.
they don't deserve it.
they don't deserve me and my brother.

they pulled the plug on us when man u had a match against aston villa.
and they score 4-0!
wasted nak mampos!
i won't blame them though. it was partly my fault. actually, it was their fault!
but then who asked me to watch step up 2 and wasted electricity in the afternoon?
but don't blame me. i was bored to death.
tried writing up some poetry. mental block.
tried cleaning up my damn room. won't budge.
tried exercising indoors. felt uber stupid.

so here i am. i feel super stuck at home.
this place which i once call home is hell now.
bro and me even started planning to move out asap.
and i didn't know my brother was that deep.
omi, we rock as a tag team!

btw, yesterday's match of man u vs as roma rocks my socks!!
especially the first goal by chris!
i tell you, i found love. he's soccer god! (exaggerated seh!)
he fell on his back after that tajam header and i tell you he was what my bro and i classify as, suffering in happiness. just like us right now.

we're suffering. our parents treat us like flies.
my bro's own words, "they're showing their true colours now".
they're scolding us for living!

don't waste water.don't waste electricity.don't waste chilli sauce!
nothing under their noses can be wasted. i mean it. NOTHING!!

i'm depressed. god please help me.
even huda have to go to school and live a life.
i don't even have a school to go to!
damn holidays.

i told you i'd hate a life where i don't work.
no pay.
no life.
no nothing.
i'm not allowed to throw vulgarities on the net.
blame it on my conscience.
but how i wish i have no conscience right about now.

so as you know.
the never-going-to-happen-meetup with huda didn't happen. again!
and so is the cycling with kak norls.
an so is the class gathering i was supposed to go.
stupid!

and dad won't stop nagging coz i'm alive.
not coz he can't, but coz he can.

and mum won't stop siding him.
i feel like cinderella can?

anyways, i got round to returning the choir blazier.
like finally.
at the right moment pulak tu. after founder's day.
this is the moment i get emotional.
i was supposed to be invited to that very founder's day.
for prize-presentation.
for me.
but i wasn't.
get over it.
but i can't.
it's just so sad.
instead people who don't contribute to the school get recognition.
bloody people who don't deserve the recognition.
trust singapore to have a system of meritocracy.
so much for a school which puts effort into building a holistic education for its students.
i don't even get a simple thank you for the things i've done to the school.
hell. the teachers don't even realise what i've done.
all they care about are students who excel in their academic studies and sucky lick-the-teachers-boots cca leaders.
and of course the ever-useless student leaders.
thank god i'm out of the school.
i don't think i'm able to stand a moment longer living in a place full of hypocrits.

temasek poly here i come!!

this 10th is the camp.
and i cant wait for it to start.
coz after that, my life will just start rolling.

by the way...my school is called bus.
bodoh kan? (ain's copyrighted slogan)
and i'm in class 1.1 in accountancy and finance course.
god help me. i'm excited for school to begin!

and mum's started her scolding becoz i'm using electricity again.
so goodbye humans.
i'm off to living a life of a ugah-ugah man.

my handphone's still alive tho. thanks to cik ida's line.
besides that i'm practically dead.