cos apparently, everything we do was shaped just for us. no matter the individual we wanna be, we can never co-exist alone. this why i love sociology. no one would understand me. so i'm gonna make them understand through us. i'm not alone. in this small island, society is all i've got. they're my substance. my closest, most heartfelt society, my family. i love them. despite everything. i love them. like the very soul of my being. i love them. almost as much as i love god. as much as i love islam. as much as i love quran, hadith and jemaah. jemaah. another society. i love them too. and the others too. i noe i took longer than most to see it, but i understood this. from the very moment the socio lecturer talked about society, the only ones which came to mind was my silat, my percussions, my family, my jemaah. the rest didn't matter. cos i noe i don't fit in. not by will. not by nature. but cos it wasn't them who shaped me. who molded me to be the energy you see standing before you now.
it might co-incidentally be true that i'm the weirdo you see hanging around at school. with weird dress codes, weird attitude, weird mindset. but somewhere out there, everyone fit in. sometimes, we have to go back to basics. where we came from. sometimes, we have to explore and see where we got kinda stuck on life at a certain point. cos honestly, if i hadn't had that cry in everyone of these groups i just mentioned, i don't think i'll fit in. if i make sense good. if i don't, well maybe its about time you find your society.
crying, falling, failing, getting hurt are good. it means we've broken our boundaries. it means we've tried going into something we really didn't wanna do and did it anyway. it just plain simple means...we've seen the distinctions between the right and wrong. whatever comes in between, we've yet to explore. but your gut feel will pull you through. im not one wise at words. but when i do come in with something to share means i've learnt something which i would just like to share. life is kinda hard on you sometimes, but sometimes, instead of complaining, feeling worked up and jealous and all, we could just pull up our socks, tuck in our tummies, and head out. the sunrise won't wait till you're done complaining waking up early for it.
that's all dear love. one feet at a time. it might sting a bit. but that's just because you've stood too long at the same spot.
why waste life, all that time, doing something you know you won't love. and why waste it on waiting. why waste it on empty whiny words. move on. you'll regret not moving, trust me. i noe. i noe what it feels to wish on that star. hoping against prayers. but without effort, without earning that experience, it'll mean nothing. the greatest scholars gave all the wise words not cos they studied damn hard all the past experiences from others. it's because they've went thru it. thoughts become things, dearest. so think of what you want instead of what you don't. cos even a negative thought is attracting all the "not-wants" into your life.
right now. i just want inner wealth. gaining all the knowledge. earning each and every one of it.
