ok so updates on life a lil. i didn't work at courts mega for this weekend! woohoo! i know. but instead, i got transfered to... robinsons, centrepoint. wth. i hate it when i get transfered to places in the town area. huda thinks its cool and all to be working there. i don't. not now anyway. all the long hours wasted on a train ride. and i have to spend over 1hour++ on just the train trip itself. haven't include the getting ready time and all that. really now. urgh! and think about it. i don't even get enough sleep lah. reach homearound 11+, and last saturday, because of late night shopping, 12+. eat, bathe, talk, relax...2 am already. sleep, wake up at 6 for prayers, then go back sleep for what? 2 hours more? then go to work. that's like less then 6 hours of sleep lah!! i work more than i sleep people!! wth! and everyone knows how much i love sleeping. and my tired legs really require that rest. after more than 14 hours standing up at work and on the train, i don't think i can take it anymore. but guess what? my prayers had been answered. i'm going to work at john little expo sale today! woohoo! just when i wanted to give up on jean perry, it lifts my hope high enough i think i can fly! lollies. talking about sweets, i'm really starting to like the pikin plum pearls sweets. if you slow people don't know what the hell that is, please...go look around next time you're in a provision shop. it's like the hottest thing around ever since i bought it lah... its small, handy and nice. what else do you need from a sweet? that rhymes. wth siti! crap again.
i've been crapping to avoid talking about the most important thing in my life right now. JAE. to huda only, JAE is the joint admission excercise. it's to choose the next hellhole in your life after secondary education. for me, i've made up my mind for poly all my life. not even a little space for jc. i don't know why. i just hate the sound of jc and siti in the same sentence. it's weird but then again, i'm normal. so as i've said before, i don't repeat myself. lol siti. not many will get that joke. i saw it printed on some customer's tee and i thought at first sight, COCKY!! goodness. hahhahhahah. anyway, back to topic. i've chosen communication and media management at tp as my first choice. i won't regret it. i searched my soul and thanks to my family and the talk with kak norls on the train, i realised what i want comes first. my passion is in it. i'll be the best there ever was. if i got in. with the points i have, it'll be hard. but i hope i can make it in. 12 points for bz courses. 9 points for design and all the other whatnots. anyway, i've put in a wide range of choices. from accounting (my family's choice) to design to psychology to tourism management. even squeezed in early childhood education. i know. confused life. hey, that's me. it's normal. don't despise me. besides, everyone's just as bad. too bad.
anyways, 2 wierd things happened in robinsons. every supervisor said i can't work there including the back-stabber auntie there. i hate her lah. she thinks i'm dumb and makes everyone there hate me. including the nice malay kakak there. wth. god will condemn your life. everyone, except the floor manager. the floor manager gave me a thumbs up and when asked whether my dressing is acceptable he said, "why not? just because of the headwear, you want to discriminate her? it's neat and acceptable. if anyone has a problem with that, ask them to come meet me." i was like thanking him a lot, a lot and praying for his soul to be filled with happiness. i almost, almost said to the freaking auntie,"in your face!". it would have been rude. and god know's that would totally make me lose my winning chip. so that was my first backer. next, come a customer. who defended me like i'm her daughter. the wierd thing is, i didn't even help her much. i only offered to help her measure some of the bedlinens she was going to buy. common courtesy. that bloody bitch of auntie screamed and asked me what i was trying to do. i answered calmly, "helping this nice lady." she freaked out man! she said i didn't know what i was doing, that i was new and all and told me off! I WAS TRYING TO HELP MAN!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! so the customer went into my defence and told HER off. i was like, wow! seriously, thank you sister! god bless! she was like, "she was trying to help me and i really appreciate her help. i don't understand what you're thinking. why do you stop her from helping me?! what's your problem? so what if she's new? she have more courtesy to help me than you who's more experience. if i don't buy this, IT'S ALL YOUR BLOODY FAULT! ha! the cheek to scream at me like that! do you know who i am?!" i was like stunned. being in the middle of it all. wooo.... anyways, end of debacle, i saw another customer in front and went to attend to her. when i turned back, my arch angle was gone. too bad i guess. i thought of giving her a french kiss! hahahahahhaah!! thanks a lot. since then the bitch don't dare tell me off anymore. she kind of get the karma atmosphere around my body. lollies. but she still bitches and complains about me. too bad good luck sides with me. you're too mean. even to customers you sound evil. if i was one, i'll ask for your termination asap! like huda said, RIP MAN!!
so that was it. thanks for listening. actually, thanks for reading. crap ica. go to sleep la. work at 12 you know and you don't even know where to go later. >.<
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
results, work, sleep siti!
so as you all know, i'm going to rant again. about work mostly. and this blog is dedicated to huda who misses my rants! hahahhahahh. anyway, this like one of the most rare opportunity i get in this new year to blog. too busy with work. i work full shifts you know. 10-10. if you think that's not tiring enough, imagine having to do it everyday for 9 days straight without any off! anyways, i've been from taka-tt's my old place, to bhg bugis, to isetan tm, to courts mega, and lastly to john little expo sale. i don't know what's in the bag for me but its sure been fun working with jean perry. sure, it's tiring and i've had my downs. but none of it was caused directly from jean perry. all of the staff at jean perry are so friendly and helpful. trust me. i lost my punchcard last 3 days and they cried with me and turned tm upside down to help me search for it. i've learned a lot about people. and their review about me? hahahhahahah. it's funny. they think i'm cute>.< awww, sheesh! so i practically strive everyday to do my best at doing sales and making the environment around me cheerful. i like it when people laugh. at least the time past faster. and having this promoter job, you'll pray for time to pass like a bulletseed! coz when there is no customer or no new stocks coming in, it can get really boring! like the time when i was posted to courts. damn boring you know! my job, just sit there at the table trying to sell custom-made curtains when all this time i've been selling bedsheets, pillows and cushions! and since i can't make head or tails of the promoter job at courts, i just sit there, saying i don't know to every question people ask me and take down numbers and names of customers who wants to make curtains! tough right? WRONG! too easy. malay call it,"makan gaji bute". and guess what? i'm being posted there again this weekend! wth! i HATE IT! why people say i'm dumb i have no idea! i just can't take it. sorry. i'm not one who can stay still for long on a chair. my butt will become bigger ok? besides, i can't write poetry there! although i have like all the time in the world, the chinese new year song playing over and over again at the second storey of courts is so irritating, i bit my nails just to stay sane! so fine.
in 13 more hours, o'level results are coming out. it's finally here. and i can't stop the butterflies from fluttering in my stomach as if it's the forbidden garden of adam and eve! ok so crap siti! stop it already. i'm meeting auntie hooi eng to ask for her signature on my new punchcard at bhg bugis tomorrow. a few hours before o's release. then meeting fraulein and gang for lunch before going to school for doomsday and also to return my long overdued choir blazier. shheeesh, i know. but it had to be done. after that i'll return home to deliver the results then head out again to...MEET HUDA!!! i'm picking her up from school or so we had planned. take 222 from bedok interchange. remember siti, 4.15. i've been forgetting lots of things these past few days. and i don't know if i'm being dumb or what, but these days i don't really mind myself forgiving and forgetting all of the bad deeds people do to me. whether its right in front of me or behind me. i really don't. weird huh? but i believe strongly in Allah's power to return what is given and to take back what is given. it's a lil bit like how miss karma works. like mum said, we don't have to care. karma works by itself without having need of any reminders:) cool huh? if only my brain would do as it can. too bad it can't. but at least i know my concience is clear. no matter what people call me. i don't care. i think i've matured very fast over this very short period of time. probably because of the heavy exposure to the outside world my work dictates me to having or maybe because of the entire work experience itself, where i've learnt the world is an unfair place for muslim women and therefore it has made me strive even further to study hard so i don't have to suffer under the hands of those unfair people. unfair people out there, just remember one thing. what you give, you get back. it's the painful truth. and though, maybe, you don't feel it yet, but its happening in your body, your whole entire system changing with the willpower of your very own concience. death will meet you. in the most painful manner.
Allah said there are 3 kinds of do'a that is most makbul. 1. the do'a of a person who is being sabotaged. 2. the do'a of a parent for his/her child. 3. the do'a of a person who is away(from home)
so based on those. i've prayed, and asked others to pray for me also, so that i'll have a more blessed life and so that my o'level results would great. i'm not hoping for straight As here. just wants to pass everything so i won't disappoint my parents again. i've caused them to cry once too often. it's time i repay them back with happiness. no matter how little. at least i know i've brought a smile to their face. though only once, my life would be fulfilled and i'd die with no regrets. none what-so-ever.
in 13 more hours, o'level results are coming out. it's finally here. and i can't stop the butterflies from fluttering in my stomach as if it's the forbidden garden of adam and eve! ok so crap siti! stop it already. i'm meeting auntie hooi eng to ask for her signature on my new punchcard at bhg bugis tomorrow. a few hours before o's release. then meeting fraulein and gang for lunch before going to school for doomsday and also to return my long overdued choir blazier. shheeesh, i know. but it had to be done. after that i'll return home to deliver the results then head out again to...MEET HUDA!!! i'm picking her up from school or so we had planned. take 222 from bedok interchange. remember siti, 4.15. i've been forgetting lots of things these past few days. and i don't know if i'm being dumb or what, but these days i don't really mind myself forgiving and forgetting all of the bad deeds people do to me. whether its right in front of me or behind me. i really don't. weird huh? but i believe strongly in Allah's power to return what is given and to take back what is given. it's a lil bit like how miss karma works. like mum said, we don't have to care. karma works by itself without having need of any reminders:) cool huh? if only my brain would do as it can. too bad it can't. but at least i know my concience is clear. no matter what people call me. i don't care. i think i've matured very fast over this very short period of time. probably because of the heavy exposure to the outside world my work dictates me to having or maybe because of the entire work experience itself, where i've learnt the world is an unfair place for muslim women and therefore it has made me strive even further to study hard so i don't have to suffer under the hands of those unfair people. unfair people out there, just remember one thing. what you give, you get back. it's the painful truth. and though, maybe, you don't feel it yet, but its happening in your body, your whole entire system changing with the willpower of your very own concience. death will meet you. in the most painful manner.
Allah said there are 3 kinds of do'a that is most makbul. 1. the do'a of a person who is being sabotaged. 2. the do'a of a parent for his/her child. 3. the do'a of a person who is away(from home)
so based on those. i've prayed, and asked others to pray for me also, so that i'll have a more blessed life and so that my o'level results would great. i'm not hoping for straight As here. just wants to pass everything so i won't disappoint my parents again. i've caused them to cry once too often. it's time i repay them back with happiness. no matter how little. at least i know i've brought a smile to their face. though only once, my life would be fulfilled and i'd die with no regrets. none what-so-ever.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
my belated blog
chapter 2.5
as usual, no pictures yet. not from me at least lah. anyways, after the wedding ceremony all of us relax2 first. then around 3 w.i.b, we went out to sarina shopping complex where dad bought one pathetic shirt. it was damn ex lah! but she still managed to do some heavy shopping there. Guess what we shopped on?? CHOCOLATES!! GOODIES!! FOOD!! so it was snacks bonanza for our family. we literally bought almost everything that was on the shelves. and kak norls, kak dilla and me were going crazy over teh botol sostro. funny giler seh. after shopping, we went back. guess wat? we stopped by cik ana's super bloody huge house! i tell u she's a billionaire man. well, her husband is lah anyway. and her children will be inheriting all 7 cars which they have, one of which was a mers and 2 others were huge aviantes! wth! and lucky for us we got to play with their cats! i thought her house was a cat's zoo or something. and trust me it was. they had a huge space dedicated for the playroom of the cats. IT WAS AS BIG AS MY LIVING ROOM! after all the hoohas, we left in a dazed mood and all of us girls were filling up application forms to be married to the prince charles and prince william of indonesia! it was funny the way were talking like they weren't our cousins that we wanted to get married to. hahahahahhhaaas. so the trip back was just as bumpy but not as long or as wet as the trip to the shopping complex. reached home bout 8 w.i.b. oh btw, a trip to the shopping complex was like driving up from s'pore to malacca! it was that long! seriously man.
anyway, got back and felt a mood change at bik yam's home. like everyone was excited to go out and buy fruits! FRUITS FOR GOD'S SAKES! i think they stayed indoors too long already lah. so, we went out again. the whole bunch of us, my family, kak norls and kak dillah, despite the tiredness we suffer from the earlier trip. and after going to the fruit complex, some of the makciks wanted to eat durians. actually it was wak harun and wife who started it. so we went to the chinatown of jakarta. that place was dirty. trust me. they were selling viagras and other what nots to increase a man's prowness in bed. ON THE STREETS!!! i'm stumped. luckily my bro and wak harun's son weren't inquisitive enough to ask what they were. i would me stunned to silence. man. so they ate their durian medan asli in peace and ate and ate. and even bought some home! altogether, the singaporean crew ate up a total of 20 durians or so i was told! wah! one thing was happening there as most of them were eating the fattening durian. all were getting food poisoning. but no one realised. my mum, younger bro, kak dilla, me and wak nah didn't eat a bite. luckily we didn't. i didn't eat it coz i felt too nauseous from looking at the shop which sold every part of a cobra and a lizard for medicinal purposes, right behind the durian shop! wth! mum just had the sixth sense that something bad was there and just didn't have the "feel" of eating durians. on the way back, everyone was complimenting the quality of the durians and how much i wasted the oppotunity to taste the forbidden fruit. seems to me now, i didn't miss anything. in fact, i avoided something bad. something very, very bad.
chapter 3
so as every reader already know, all hell broke loose the next day. it was the day we, my family and kak norls' family, were due back in s'pore. it was the day wak hasnah fell terribly sick. my mum gave her all of our family's important pills, the ones we kept for emergencies such as this. so that day, most of the family woke up early to go somewhere. i can't remember where. my family remained behind. the reasons are,
1. we didn't have sufficient funds coz most of it went to the travelling costs and "others"
2. mum didn't feel like going anywhere coz she was fed up with dad, for causing the "others" to occur.
so we ended up waiting at home. talking, crapping, packing and doing other what nots. that was when i learnt that wak harun's son isn't a saint. he's actually v.v rude, for a guy who's in kindergarden talking to everyone, even he's elders using kau and aku. it's just too much for me to handle. anyway. around 4 w.i.b we started off for the airport. everyone was hugging and saying goodbyes and we got lots and lots to bring home! and the cars was filled with people who wanted to send us off. actually if it was possible, everyone wanted to be at the airport. so we had to leave some of them disappointed. then at the airport, i begged mum to buy A&W! long time no eat. missed the waffels and coneydog. wasted the coneydog was out of stock! really wanted it. but i'm thankful for the dunkin donuts and the chicken strips which mum bought for me. at least, it wasn't so bad. and the airplane trip? well, coincidence happen. one after another! 1stly was my seat on the plane. it was the same bloody seat. 2 seats away from window seat. so, at the back of my head i was going like," if the 2 guys who were there earlier was there it wouldn't be so sad for me," then it happen. the 2 guys appeared out of nowhere. ON THE SAME PLANE AS ME! hahahhaa. coincidence no.2. then got on the plane. the feeling was just, de-javu! whatever siti! but truly, i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. then we chat. found out they had different seats. tooo bad ain't it? then on the plane, the 2 seats were occupied by 2 indonesian women, who apparently sat on the seats in front but didn't want to do so coz there was a guy on the outermost seat. weird? u ask me? lols. anyway, they sat on my bros' seats so had a seating arrangement change and then! jeng,jeng,jeng.... they allowed me the WINDOW SEAT!!! i was like saying thanks over and over again. really lah. took pictures every step of the way. the sight was breath-taking!i was overjoyed. and the food served was better! probably because this time they didn't take it away from us too quickly or maybe because of my over-excitedness!! anyways...hehehhe. end of story already? awwww man >< i realised the journey was very short actually. lesser than an hour. what made it feel longer was the direct change in timings between both countries! so anyway...end of story. end of my debts. but i'm gonna post another blog. to tell you about the recent happenings in my life. i know you know what i know, but i bet you bet you don't know what i really know, you know?! lols. try figure that tongue-twister out!
as usual, no pictures yet. not from me at least lah. anyways, after the wedding ceremony all of us relax2 first. then around 3 w.i.b, we went out to sarina shopping complex where dad bought one pathetic shirt. it was damn ex lah! but she still managed to do some heavy shopping there. Guess what we shopped on?? CHOCOLATES!! GOODIES!! FOOD!! so it was snacks bonanza for our family. we literally bought almost everything that was on the shelves. and kak norls, kak dilla and me were going crazy over teh botol sostro. funny giler seh. after shopping, we went back. guess wat? we stopped by cik ana's super bloody huge house! i tell u she's a billionaire man. well, her husband is lah anyway. and her children will be inheriting all 7 cars which they have, one of which was a mers and 2 others were huge aviantes! wth! and lucky for us we got to play with their cats! i thought her house was a cat's zoo or something. and trust me it was. they had a huge space dedicated for the playroom of the cats. IT WAS AS BIG AS MY LIVING ROOM! after all the hoohas, we left in a dazed mood and all of us girls were filling up application forms to be married to the prince charles and prince william of indonesia! it was funny the way were talking like they weren't our cousins that we wanted to get married to. hahahahahhhaaas. so the trip back was just as bumpy but not as long or as wet as the trip to the shopping complex. reached home bout 8 w.i.b. oh btw, a trip to the shopping complex was like driving up from s'pore to malacca! it was that long! seriously man.
anyway, got back and felt a mood change at bik yam's home. like everyone was excited to go out and buy fruits! FRUITS FOR GOD'S SAKES! i think they stayed indoors too long already lah. so, we went out again. the whole bunch of us, my family, kak norls and kak dillah, despite the tiredness we suffer from the earlier trip. and after going to the fruit complex, some of the makciks wanted to eat durians. actually it was wak harun and wife who started it. so we went to the chinatown of jakarta. that place was dirty. trust me. they were selling viagras and other what nots to increase a man's prowness in bed. ON THE STREETS!!! i'm stumped. luckily my bro and wak harun's son weren't inquisitive enough to ask what they were. i would me stunned to silence. man. so they ate their durian medan asli in peace and ate and ate. and even bought some home! altogether, the singaporean crew ate up a total of 20 durians or so i was told! wah! one thing was happening there as most of them were eating the fattening durian. all were getting food poisoning. but no one realised. my mum, younger bro, kak dilla, me and wak nah didn't eat a bite. luckily we didn't. i didn't eat it coz i felt too nauseous from looking at the shop which sold every part of a cobra and a lizard for medicinal purposes, right behind the durian shop! wth! mum just had the sixth sense that something bad was there and just didn't have the "feel" of eating durians. on the way back, everyone was complimenting the quality of the durians and how much i wasted the oppotunity to taste the forbidden fruit. seems to me now, i didn't miss anything. in fact, i avoided something bad. something very, very bad.
chapter 3
so as every reader already know, all hell broke loose the next day. it was the day we, my family and kak norls' family, were due back in s'pore. it was the day wak hasnah fell terribly sick. my mum gave her all of our family's important pills, the ones we kept for emergencies such as this. so that day, most of the family woke up early to go somewhere. i can't remember where. my family remained behind. the reasons are,
1. we didn't have sufficient funds coz most of it went to the travelling costs and "others"
2. mum didn't feel like going anywhere coz she was fed up with dad, for causing the "others" to occur.
so we ended up waiting at home. talking, crapping, packing and doing other what nots. that was when i learnt that wak harun's son isn't a saint. he's actually v.v rude, for a guy who's in kindergarden talking to everyone, even he's elders using kau and aku. it's just too much for me to handle. anyway. around 4 w.i.b we started off for the airport. everyone was hugging and saying goodbyes and we got lots and lots to bring home! and the cars was filled with people who wanted to send us off. actually if it was possible, everyone wanted to be at the airport. so we had to leave some of them disappointed. then at the airport, i begged mum to buy A&W! long time no eat. missed the waffels and coneydog. wasted the coneydog was out of stock! really wanted it. but i'm thankful for the dunkin donuts and the chicken strips which mum bought for me. at least, it wasn't so bad. and the airplane trip? well, coincidence happen. one after another! 1stly was my seat on the plane. it was the same bloody seat. 2 seats away from window seat. so, at the back of my head i was going like," if the 2 guys who were there earlier was there it wouldn't be so sad for me," then it happen. the 2 guys appeared out of nowhere. ON THE SAME PLANE AS ME! hahahhaa. coincidence no.2. then got on the plane. the feeling was just, de-javu! whatever siti! but truly, i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. then we chat. found out they had different seats. tooo bad ain't it? then on the plane, the 2 seats were occupied by 2 indonesian women, who apparently sat on the seats in front but didn't want to do so coz there was a guy on the outermost seat. weird? u ask me? lols. anyway, they sat on my bros' seats so had a seating arrangement change and then! jeng,jeng,jeng.... they allowed me the WINDOW SEAT!!! i was like saying thanks over and over again. really lah. took pictures every step of the way. the sight was breath-taking!i was overjoyed. and the food served was better! probably because this time they didn't take it away from us too quickly or maybe because of my over-excitedness!! anyways...hehehhe. end of story already? awwww man >< i realised the journey was very short actually. lesser than an hour. what made it feel longer was the direct change in timings between both countries! so anyway...end of story. end of my debts. but i'm gonna post another blog. to tell you about the recent happenings in my life. i know you know what i know, but i bet you bet you don't know what i really know, you know?! lols. try figure that tongue-twister out!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
the 5 storey house we stayed in. this is only the highest 2 storeys, where all the rooms are situated in. imagine having stairs leading to this part of the house =P
the family is big. very big. and this 3 pictures are not even half of them.
lizard at airport. i think its their national creature or something. seems to be everywhere. hehe.
the plane view on the way there. nice huh? sunset from the air. literally.
little snapshot by lil bro. not bad for his first time;)
family at changi airport. irfan hate cameras. sheesh.
1 person is missing from this picture. huda!! where the heck are you? in school? wth.
this is supposed to be nice. except for the fact that some are totally oblivious to me and the camera. lols.
see that? my bro brought his lappie to jakarta. guess he can't part with it:S
we flew with the help of this big bird. if only it is yellow. lols
daddie! ur tummy's growing bigger. don't show it off to the camera! lols:D
i took this. tt's why i'm not in it;(
finally. weeeeeeeeeeeeeee:)
omi! go away! u're spoiling the quality of the photo. hahahs.
kak norlin, how old are you? really...
we have this soldier to care and protect us. it's not real? sure it is.
again. a good photo is absent of its shooter
oh. i'm the one that's in black and white? but i thought the picture's in colour?
CREDITS:
NUR HUDA!!!! ILY! I SWEAR I BELANJE YOU STARBCKS NEXT TIME WE MEET.
today in life
so. i was supposed to do many things today. and i'm supposed to update lots of things. guess it didn't happen. sorry. i've been moody these days. don't know why. i think it maybe because of my recent job lost, the fired conversation with my family, the anger i have for everybody, even if they didn't do anything wrong. i'm sorry. really, i am. but today. i'm tired of apologising. its too late. everyone already formed opinions of myself long time ago; when i did those mistakes i shouldn't. too bad i guess.
i'm not saying sorry.
i'm not becoming the old me.
its just, its a new year today. today is 1 muharram and i'm fasting tomorrow and my new boss haven't called me since the interview just now to confirm whether or not i'll be working tomorrow and i'm feeling damn confused for getting the revenge i deserve and i'm feeling vexed with mum's attitude with me this pass few days and i'm angry bros always get what they wants and the care and concern of mum while i'm just another irritating fly in her world.
i'm not jealous.
i'm just angry i'm not dead yet.
and i'm sad she isn't willing to help me through my first job failure like how she helped bro.
i hate the people i love. i guess that's bound to happen sometime ain't it? i'm just another siti in the family. nothing great. i'm just hoping they'll not see how special i am till the day i die. then at least, they will feel very bad i'm dead and i'll know they care. right now if i die, the only person i know will cry for me is huda. i don't think my rents and bros will cry. they know nothing about me. they don't know why i do things. they just think i'm some simpering, ugly bitch that they have to keep coz god gave me to them. they think i'm useless. fine, i don't do the housework.
have you known about the other things which i did?
have you ever thank me?
have you ever said you love me?
have you ever given me an explaination why i can't rest when i'm sick?
do you even know if i'm not well?
of course you don't.
you don't care.
you won't even care if i lay dead by the kallang river.
i'm sure you'll take care of the funeral business. you don't want to look bad in front of everyone.
i spoke my mind and died. i'm supposed to be dead already.
so don't expect me to be your maid just because i'm not schooling and stop giving the stupid excuse that i'm supposed to do things for you just because i'm a girl and a girl who doesn't know how to do housework is completely useless. come on. i'm not going to get married. and we're living in modern times. talk like that doesn't fit my bitchy lifestyle. you should be thankful i have become as i am and not some notorious, out-of-control slut somewhere at geylang. people my age, most, don't even know what it feels like to hurt so much you pray for death as you sleep and their lives are just about hanging out, listening to musics, finding new boyfriends and shopping till your bank account is no longer available. so shut up already. even a baby cry when it's bored of seeing the same peek-a-boo gag. so stop it. you won't like it if i blowout. my whole entire life, i've never hurt anyone mentally, physically and emotionally, all at the same time. don't make yourself the first the enjoy hostile treatment from me. its not going to be nice.
now that that part is done. i have a checklist of things to do. i'll just write it here so i won't forget.
1. upload up photos from the jakarta trip. then maybe kak norls can pick it up from here. (it doesn't seem to work huda. i don't know what's wrong)
2. type in the poetry long due for this blog. (remember my soul confession i promised to upload but didn't? ya. that one. and another one also)
3. continue blogging about that trip to jakarta. (next time i start it'll be from chapter 2.5 onwards)
4. do up my schedule of things around my life. (everything in a mess right now. just so you know)
5. clear up every single sec 3 and 4 book then pass it on to juniors and fadhlun.
6. clear my wardrobe and sort out my clothes. asap!
7. find the person who had been stealing my shoes!!!!! i'm so angry. he stole my slipper and my school shoe!! what am i supposed to wear when i take my results due in 2 weeks time??!!
8. re-write most of my blogs. maybe even make a new one. this one had been crap this past few weeks. no one comments on my poetry anymore. don't make me give up what i love. i'll kill you then kill myself if you do that.
9. i must start remembering things. what did i write this list for? oh.... right....
10. i must stop doing stupid things and saying wrong things this year. heard its 2008 and its the year of the mouse and since its really a new year for me, both in the actual and islam calender, i must start doing things right. i mean that. really, i do. don't believe me? ah, asal? asal? (thanks kak dilah!)
i've been crapping those few lines. i won't apologise. too bad if you don't like it. its not my problem. my problem is that i took 2 bloody hours writing this up. sleep already siti. its 2.25 am!
i'm not saying sorry.
i'm not becoming the old me.
its just, its a new year today. today is 1 muharram and i'm fasting tomorrow and my new boss haven't called me since the interview just now to confirm whether or not i'll be working tomorrow and i'm feeling damn confused for getting the revenge i deserve and i'm feeling vexed with mum's attitude with me this pass few days and i'm angry bros always get what they wants and the care and concern of mum while i'm just another irritating fly in her world.
i'm not jealous.
i'm just angry i'm not dead yet.
and i'm sad she isn't willing to help me through my first job failure like how she helped bro.
i hate the people i love. i guess that's bound to happen sometime ain't it? i'm just another siti in the family. nothing great. i'm just hoping they'll not see how special i am till the day i die. then at least, they will feel very bad i'm dead and i'll know they care. right now if i die, the only person i know will cry for me is huda. i don't think my rents and bros will cry. they know nothing about me. they don't know why i do things. they just think i'm some simpering, ugly bitch that they have to keep coz god gave me to them. they think i'm useless. fine, i don't do the housework.
have you known about the other things which i did?
have you ever thank me?
have you ever said you love me?
have you ever given me an explaination why i can't rest when i'm sick?
do you even know if i'm not well?
of course you don't.
you don't care.
you won't even care if i lay dead by the kallang river.
i'm sure you'll take care of the funeral business. you don't want to look bad in front of everyone.
i spoke my mind and died. i'm supposed to be dead already.
so don't expect me to be your maid just because i'm not schooling and stop giving the stupid excuse that i'm supposed to do things for you just because i'm a girl and a girl who doesn't know how to do housework is completely useless. come on. i'm not going to get married. and we're living in modern times. talk like that doesn't fit my bitchy lifestyle. you should be thankful i have become as i am and not some notorious, out-of-control slut somewhere at geylang. people my age, most, don't even know what it feels like to hurt so much you pray for death as you sleep and their lives are just about hanging out, listening to musics, finding new boyfriends and shopping till your bank account is no longer available. so shut up already. even a baby cry when it's bored of seeing the same peek-a-boo gag. so stop it. you won't like it if i blowout. my whole entire life, i've never hurt anyone mentally, physically and emotionally, all at the same time. don't make yourself the first the enjoy hostile treatment from me. its not going to be nice.
now that that part is done. i have a checklist of things to do. i'll just write it here so i won't forget.
1. upload up photos from the jakarta trip. then maybe kak norls can pick it up from here. (it doesn't seem to work huda. i don't know what's wrong)
2. type in the poetry long due for this blog. (remember my soul confession i promised to upload but didn't? ya. that one. and another one also)
3. continue blogging about that trip to jakarta. (next time i start it'll be from chapter 2.5 onwards)
4. do up my schedule of things around my life. (everything in a mess right now. just so you know)
5. clear up every single sec 3 and 4 book then pass it on to juniors and fadhlun.
6. clear my wardrobe and sort out my clothes. asap!
7. find the person who had been stealing my shoes!!!!! i'm so angry. he stole my slipper and my school shoe!! what am i supposed to wear when i take my results due in 2 weeks time??!!
8. re-write most of my blogs. maybe even make a new one. this one had been crap this past few weeks. no one comments on my poetry anymore. don't make me give up what i love. i'll kill you then kill myself if you do that.
9. i must start remembering things. what did i write this list for? oh.... right....
10. i must stop doing stupid things and saying wrong things this year. heard its 2008 and its the year of the mouse and since its really a new year for me, both in the actual and islam calender, i must start doing things right. i mean that. really, i do. don't believe me? ah, asal? asal? (thanks kak dilah!)
i've been crapping those few lines. i won't apologise. too bad if you don't like it. its not my problem. my problem is that i took 2 bloody hours writing this up. sleep already siti. its 2.25 am!
Monday, January 7, 2008
a weekend of jakar-YATA!!
so. it was a superbly fun weekend. and everyone knows how much i love weddings. not to add, 2 weddings were carried out at the same time! and i was on another foreign land beside malaysia to witness and record and glamourise the entire affair!! woootttsss. YATA! so you want to know what happened from the time we left home which was about 4.45pm s.t? btw s.t means singapore time and w.i.b. means waktu indonesia barat.
1st chapter
so anyways, cepats-cepats get out of the house and frantically catch a cab. the check-in closes at 5 and we had to reach the airport in 10 mins. so told the taxi driver to hurry up a lil. i think he maybe a lil pissed. afterall, this family of 5 came out of nowhere like a whirlwind and came ambushing at him with piles of luggage all crammed inside the small lil taxi. we didn't have time to put our bags at the back and waste more time unlugging it later. reached changi airport 3 more minutes to 5. ran to the check-in place where wak harun and wak pari were already waiting for us. actually, they had already call us on the way, causing us to panic all the way there. lols:)) but panicking was fun for me. it helped me forget all the bad problems i had at home and outside of it. it made me forget what day it was. it made me forget the reason why i had to go to the airport under such short time! haha. all that was in my brain was, "can't this taxi go faster? another minute has passed. we're gonna miss our flight," imagine home alone 1 and 2. we were exactly like them. anyways, when we got there, we realised that wak anjang and his whole family wasn't there yet. i was like, OH NO!! and then we saw them strolling in like the world owes them the time. i was like waving and waving, hoping they'll walk faster. then overheard wak harun saying the gate will really close at 5.15pm and its ok if they walk slow. in my heart i was screaming. my family could have died on the way there and they were like saying those things only then. wth. ok, so anyways. met with the rest at 5.30 at C23 gate where the plane was already there and loading up passangers bags. took lots of pics there. everyone called me the jakon-ist. i didn't care. i was a tourist:) duh... anyways got on the plane. oh something about my seat. it was 44H. an economy class seat. 2 seats away from the window seat. and i got the very same seat on both the flight to and fro jakarta. coincidence? or maybe luck? i don't know. not into superstitions. anyways, there was this 2 guys who were on the 2 seats next to me. and i kept looking across them to peep outside the window and take photos.
they said," why didn't you say earlier? we could have switched places."
and i was like,"oh nemind ah. its ok."
they were like,"next time if we got on the same plane again, we'll switch places k?"
i was beaming already. fyi, on this trip there were a lot of coincidence. wonder why i told you about that particular coincidence? i will tell you later. in the 3rd chapter of this blog. so anyways, the trip from singapore to indonesia wasn't all that long. about a one and a half hour journey away. considering the lift off was at 5.45pm s.t and we reached there at about 7.50pm w.i.b. but i'll tell you something. the ride there was super bumpy. a lot of turbulent winds. our delicious meal was cut short as the crew had to keep all of our food and ensure that we had our belts on. then later, afer boarding off the EK-348 plane, we went check bags and stand in the long queue to stamp our passports for 45 lethargic minutes and did the entire long process of collecting bags and waiting for everyone to come back from the toilet and the whatnots before going off to meet our indonesian relatives, who were fetching us in a BUS!! fyi, over there, buses are considered wealthy people vehicles. their daily transportations were motobikes and mini-vans. so when we were on the way out, i saw A&W and DUNKIN DONUTS!! i was like, "YAY! Later go back its a MUST buy. long time never eat conney dogs and curly fries" anyways, the trip to rumah nenek yam, which was also the site of the wedding ceremony, took 2 bloody hours!! it was even longer than the flight. but considering the busy and jammed up streets, it's a wonder we even reached that early. by the time we reached there, it was already 10.30 pm w.i.b. so everyone salam with everyone else. this was the part i was most uncomfortable with. as it happens, it was a tradition there. so, like the malay saying," di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung."anyways everyone talked and got served with food. oh, 1 thing about food there. its like a 24-hour foodshop. food is there everytime you're hungry or feel like munching. the prawn crackers are the best lah, in my opinion. it taste so ori:))hahas. so by the time everyone got settled down, it was already 12. 4 hours to dawn...
2nd Chapter
after a good night's rest, i was up super early. btw, over there, at 4.30 w.i.b everyone is up and making loud prayers to wake everyone else up for Subuh prayers. it was kinda fun. then after prayers, me and mum went downstairs to wake my lazy bros up. and i went up again to grab my cam and capture the morning light there. as usual, the kitchen was bustling to life with the last minute preparations for the wedding ceremony due at 9 am. to me, weddings that early only occurs in jakarta, indonesia:)) so another experience earned. and the wedding was totally indonesian. didn't believe i'd be seeing it for myself. seen it on tv before but the actual one was much more fun:) i'll let the pictures do the talking.later.
i don't feel like blogging anymore. hey, i'm random. live with it. later ah. sorry beb. i'm tired. don't even know why. byes:)
1st chapter
so anyways, cepats-cepats get out of the house and frantically catch a cab. the check-in closes at 5 and we had to reach the airport in 10 mins. so told the taxi driver to hurry up a lil. i think he maybe a lil pissed. afterall, this family of 5 came out of nowhere like a whirlwind and came ambushing at him with piles of luggage all crammed inside the small lil taxi. we didn't have time to put our bags at the back and waste more time unlugging it later. reached changi airport 3 more minutes to 5. ran to the check-in place where wak harun and wak pari were already waiting for us. actually, they had already call us on the way, causing us to panic all the way there. lols:)) but panicking was fun for me. it helped me forget all the bad problems i had at home and outside of it. it made me forget what day it was. it made me forget the reason why i had to go to the airport under such short time! haha. all that was in my brain was, "can't this taxi go faster? another minute has passed. we're gonna miss our flight," imagine home alone 1 and 2. we were exactly like them. anyways, when we got there, we realised that wak anjang and his whole family wasn't there yet. i was like, OH NO!! and then we saw them strolling in like the world owes them the time. i was like waving and waving, hoping they'll walk faster. then overheard wak harun saying the gate will really close at 5.15pm and its ok if they walk slow. in my heart i was screaming. my family could have died on the way there and they were like saying those things only then. wth. ok, so anyways. met with the rest at 5.30 at C23 gate where the plane was already there and loading up passangers bags. took lots of pics there. everyone called me the jakon-ist. i didn't care. i was a tourist:) duh... anyways got on the plane. oh something about my seat. it was 44H. an economy class seat. 2 seats away from the window seat. and i got the very same seat on both the flight to and fro jakarta. coincidence? or maybe luck? i don't know. not into superstitions. anyways, there was this 2 guys who were on the 2 seats next to me. and i kept looking across them to peep outside the window and take photos.
they said," why didn't you say earlier? we could have switched places."
and i was like,"oh nemind ah. its ok."
they were like,"next time if we got on the same plane again, we'll switch places k?"
i was beaming already. fyi, on this trip there were a lot of coincidence. wonder why i told you about that particular coincidence? i will tell you later. in the 3rd chapter of this blog. so anyways, the trip from singapore to indonesia wasn't all that long. about a one and a half hour journey away. considering the lift off was at 5.45pm s.t and we reached there at about 7.50pm w.i.b. but i'll tell you something. the ride there was super bumpy. a lot of turbulent winds. our delicious meal was cut short as the crew had to keep all of our food and ensure that we had our belts on. then later, afer boarding off the EK-348 plane, we went check bags and stand in the long queue to stamp our passports for 45 lethargic minutes and did the entire long process of collecting bags and waiting for everyone to come back from the toilet and the whatnots before going off to meet our indonesian relatives, who were fetching us in a BUS!! fyi, over there, buses are considered wealthy people vehicles. their daily transportations were motobikes and mini-vans. so when we were on the way out, i saw A&W and DUNKIN DONUTS!! i was like, "YAY! Later go back its a MUST buy. long time never eat conney dogs and curly fries" anyways, the trip to rumah nenek yam, which was also the site of the wedding ceremony, took 2 bloody hours!! it was even longer than the flight. but considering the busy and jammed up streets, it's a wonder we even reached that early. by the time we reached there, it was already 10.30 pm w.i.b. so everyone salam with everyone else. this was the part i was most uncomfortable with. as it happens, it was a tradition there. so, like the malay saying," di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung."anyways everyone talked and got served with food. oh, 1 thing about food there. its like a 24-hour foodshop. food is there everytime you're hungry or feel like munching. the prawn crackers are the best lah, in my opinion. it taste so ori:))hahas. so by the time everyone got settled down, it was already 12. 4 hours to dawn...
2nd Chapter
after a good night's rest, i was up super early. btw, over there, at 4.30 w.i.b everyone is up and making loud prayers to wake everyone else up for Subuh prayers. it was kinda fun. then after prayers, me and mum went downstairs to wake my lazy bros up. and i went up again to grab my cam and capture the morning light there. as usual, the kitchen was bustling to life with the last minute preparations for the wedding ceremony due at 9 am. to me, weddings that early only occurs in jakarta, indonesia:)) so another experience earned. and the wedding was totally indonesian. didn't believe i'd be seeing it for myself. seen it on tv before but the actual one was much more fun:) i'll let the pictures do the talking.later.
i don't feel like blogging anymore. hey, i'm random. live with it. later ah. sorry beb. i'm tired. don't even know why. byes:)
Friday, January 4, 2008
changes
i'm happy now. life is too short for me to dwell in unhappiness. so, here's to me and the rest of the people who take this day as a turning point. no matter how minor the change is. i'm going to be a happier person. so be jealous. and i changed my skin. so, enjoys people. i'm off to fly. literally.
adioz amigos:))
adioz amigos:))
Thursday, January 3, 2008
torn
i've been gone for 11 days. so much had happened. too much. i thought i could handle it. apparently, life just have to move on. i''ll not curse my life or even the people who had spoil it. i'll stay strong, like what huda said. thank you. that goes to everyone. it just depends on whether i mean it or i meant it sarcastically. you know which you deserve. like i said before. karma will do her job. i don't have to do anything about it.
and to my supervisors and managers, i thank you. i hope you'll do better without me. and to all my collegues, thank you for showing me how working life is like. the truth hurts. now i know. and i don't need you to tell me, i've already experienced it for myself. just didn't know people can do so much damage to another just using their mouths and nothing else. i work as a promoter, for those who don't know. so your mouths must be clean. as least that's what i believe in. i'm glad i'm fired. thank you tony. thanks, for showing me i can't believe everything that comes out of a promoters' mouth. thanks, for showing me that people can be very mean jerks. thanks, for opening my eyes to so much evil. everyday, i learn something new from you. directly, or indirectly. i'll do what everyone who loves me tell me to do. i won't dwell on you or the job or the people there anymore. you're not worth it. you never have been. not even the double pay on new year's day (which was $11/hr) was worth it. its not worth being tortured. mentally, physically, emotionally. its not worth all the racist and sarcastic comments and body language made by all of you there. i don't mind being mocked. but never mock Allah or Islam. and this goes out especially to the twin sisters. you better get your facts right before you question the beliefs and religion of a true blue muslim. and to all the others, whom i thought were my friends, i don't need you to spit on me when i'm already down. miss karma and Allah will get back at you. i don't need to say any more. now on to happy things.
i'm glad. I'M GOING JAKARTA TOMORROW!! and the WHOLE FAMILY'S GOING TOGETHER!! except for huda. i'm so damn sad ah. i BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA TODAY!!! i went OUT WITH KAK NORLS TODAY!! i've learnt a lot today. so much. more than what i've learnt in my secondary 4 o'levels year. maybe that's exaggerating. but i feel like it is so. so, i don't care. i hurt too much right now to joke. maybe after i come back from jakarta, i will laugh and forget. not forgive. but at least it'll be better.
thanks huda. for everything. especially the dog tag and the shoutout. it really help me feel better. don't know what i'll do without you. and kak norls, see you tomorrow. then we'll talk again. i'm so glad you're coming along on this trip. then at least i won't be so lonely.
working had been an enriching experience. i hope i'll die before i get another job. that way, the world would be such a happier place. for everyone. especially me.
and to my supervisors and managers, i thank you. i hope you'll do better without me. and to all my collegues, thank you for showing me how working life is like. the truth hurts. now i know. and i don't need you to tell me, i've already experienced it for myself. just didn't know people can do so much damage to another just using their mouths and nothing else. i work as a promoter, for those who don't know. so your mouths must be clean. as least that's what i believe in. i'm glad i'm fired. thank you tony. thanks, for showing me i can't believe everything that comes out of a promoters' mouth. thanks, for showing me that people can be very mean jerks. thanks, for opening my eyes to so much evil. everyday, i learn something new from you. directly, or indirectly. i'll do what everyone who loves me tell me to do. i won't dwell on you or the job or the people there anymore. you're not worth it. you never have been. not even the double pay on new year's day (which was $11/hr) was worth it. its not worth being tortured. mentally, physically, emotionally. its not worth all the racist and sarcastic comments and body language made by all of you there. i don't mind being mocked. but never mock Allah or Islam. and this goes out especially to the twin sisters. you better get your facts right before you question the beliefs and religion of a true blue muslim. and to all the others, whom i thought were my friends, i don't need you to spit on me when i'm already down. miss karma and Allah will get back at you. i don't need to say any more. now on to happy things.
i'm glad. I'M GOING JAKARTA TOMORROW!! and the WHOLE FAMILY'S GOING TOGETHER!! except for huda. i'm so damn sad ah. i BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA TODAY!!! i went OUT WITH KAK NORLS TODAY!! i've learnt a lot today. so much. more than what i've learnt in my secondary 4 o'levels year. maybe that's exaggerating. but i feel like it is so. so, i don't care. i hurt too much right now to joke. maybe after i come back from jakarta, i will laugh and forget. not forgive. but at least it'll be better.
thanks huda. for everything. especially the dog tag and the shoutout. it really help me feel better. don't know what i'll do without you. and kak norls, see you tomorrow. then we'll talk again. i'm so glad you're coming along on this trip. then at least i won't be so lonely.
working had been an enriching experience. i hope i'll die before i get another job. that way, the world would be such a happier place. for everyone. especially me.
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