judge me

this few weeks have been terrible and aweful for me. as the 3 living souls sharing and coordinating lives together. terrible i tell you...

its so tough being siti, the perfectionist, the one who loves to appear beautiful and wonderfully nice to everyone's eyes.
its so tough being nisa, the one who always look upon things with the eyes of Allah, the eyes that will matter the most, the one that will frown upon your actions even when your very conscience won't mind it all that much; the one who will go to all limits to stand for the jannatullah in akhirat later.
but the toughest one to be is khairun; cos by itself it means "the better one" and hence it is always under pressure to be better than both the others. and how is khairun supposed to live with that kind of injustice? for right now, khairun is struggling with herself, being the biggest hypocrite of all centurions, risking hell and sacrifising so much laughters and time for herself for the benefits of people, who won't even regard the best things in life they are taking for granted. sometimes, siti wished that she would change just a little bit to help khairun face her world, cos right now, everyone is in such dire state of helplessness created by the petty and white lies made by khairun in order to save siti and nisa from humiliation and feeling angry at god. khairun had had enough of hate in her life to survive all the 3 of them for the rest of the few years of life together, so she would rather be the one to take on all the heat just to let siti and nisa have their share of happiness and fulfillment to allow khairun to smile when we all die later.

all the above is for the understanding of those who understand my split personality, just in case you haven't notice it yet. ever wondered, why most times, im super happy, giggly and laughing? its cos siti lives most of the life for the 3 of us here, cos she's the one we all want to become, a reminder of the happy childhood we used to have, eating and playing with ants and jumping and climbing windows and playgrounds like we have nothing to fear, not even gravity. the times when we were to naive to believe in superman and power rangers and maybe, just maybe, we had a secret hidden talent, that we're going to find soon enough, but never did....

i'm sore. body, mind and soul. im so sorry each time i update this cookie its always full of chocolate chip ones, the ones i sprinkled with bitching and lots and lots of frustration cos i tot cookies/chocs/sweets are the only ways to bring those pain down. and it does help. cooking maggi helps too. singing screamo songs and taking long hot baths help too. and doa. we can't forget that. but soon enough, as we grow older, we realise not all the things we asked for are given, especially if we asked god for a miracle. miracles don't just happen babe, it takes 2 hands to clap, or in this case, it requires effirt from you too. maybe after all the hurt and the pain, you'll start wondering whether or not there's such thing as a freewill cos everything is determined from god as all the things that were going to happen to us have already been written rite? WRONG. DEAD WRONG!

for example, you now damn fat. like huge kinda fat. its not god fault that you chose to eat the wrong kinds of food to make you so, yeah you can argue its the body god gave you that sucked, but have you ever asked youself, the huge "wat ifs?". wat if you hadn't gone out every single day of the week to have, every single kind of fastfood, Mcs, KFC, LJS, BurgerKing, BBQ chicken, Simpang food, Satay and Seafood, Swensens, Popeyes and last but not least, Pastamania. like come on, all that junk in one week, without any exercise and huge amounts of afternoon naps, who's to blame if u're being mistaken for another garfield siti? who's to blame when you exercise non-stop for the rest of the year only to notice that you've gained 1kg more? not that im trying to bring you down or anything, godforbit, ive been working hard to get that esteem back from its holiday, but seriously... u NEED to CUT DOWN!!


u can start by erasing the dependency your friends have on you as the doraemon of the group. NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE!! i noe its damn tough, cos without choc and sweets, siti will cease to exist but all of us need to work together as a team to lead a healthier life. maybe, if siti loved us as much as we do her, thats y we're risking hips and booty for her, maybe, she wont go.

k enough of emo shits cos im starting to sound like sec 4 me. right now i'm gonna be kind and update a lil bit of my life to you, just in case you haven't caught up to me yet and you kinda miss crazy old me.

1) im in NDP now. performing samba percussions. i've been transfered to play agogo bells after months of learning tamborim...so i kinda have to relearn everything but its fine. i love bells. with suzy and aisyahand many other crazy gurls and dudes. yeah there's 1 dude;) and he's super funny! he will like scream and cheer with me and laugh with me. hehehs>.<

2) Silat IVP has ended and we got *drumrolls please kaishas!... 3rd OVERALL CHAMPION!! 4 golds babe!! congrats to DJ KEKEK DAN!! & super PRO aisyah! and awesome NAZMI! and last but certainly NOT LEAST, UNDERDOG HELMI!! baik arh korang! woots! eh ah eh ah TP kia! k ah, despite ALOT!! of SURPRISES!! some bad, most good, im so HAPPY FOR U GUYS! really!! =DDD

3) im gonna go for another TP SIFE project tmr at The Tent. It's to teach entrepreneurship skills to the awesome ladies who did the OH-SO-TO-DIE-FOR accessories. this the 2nd one. all together we're gonna present 3 projects, if im not wrong, for the SIFE WORLD CUP!! this 20th! *GASPP!!! and as expected on a saturday, it clashes with BLOCO PRAC!! the 1st on MARINA PLATFORM!! hahhas. alot of exclaimation marks huh... lols. im excited so kill me. ouh! the 1st tp sife project was on selling ice-cream, its called the TP SIFE ICE-CREAM CHALLENGE and apparently, sec sch kids came over and were taught how to sell the ice-cream. i tink they don't need anymore motivation than competition among schools lah. like wth...i got chung cheng high and they were BITCHING bout the other BIMBOTIC girls who were like screaming over the emcee for extra points. and they won. shessh, surprising kape...