you know the phrase, "let's just wait and see?"
yeah well, that phrase is getting on my nerves now. so many things can happen. oh so sudden. and then it'll stretch and stretch from it being one small dot to it being an infinite line. k design principles but wth it applies to life k. sometimes, i wish there are more than 24 hours a day. sometimes i wish time will suddenly reproduce and give me lil bit of leeway to life but no... it had to be this way. so wat does siti do? we make the best out of things. combine and do everything in one shot. kill 5 birds with 1 stone, be in 3 places at 1 time and put 10 fishballs on 1 stick. sometimes, i just wished i didn't have to bear so much responsibility, didn't have to know too many things, didn't have to lose so much things cos i was busy enjoying something else and most importantly, i wished i didn't have to love so much it hurts when people betray that trust or overuse the kindness i offer everytime. sometimes, i just wish i can be that fat and cute little girl in a pink halter-top dress, with flowers in her hair and running freely, without any care in the world, without the restrains of life like how you can't fly and how you can't defend yourself. but then humans have invented ways to make those dreams impossible.
and i still believe i can survive this sem without failing anything and improving my weak GPA.
and i still believe in angels.
and i still believe A will be there, to catch that little girl should she fall because of a small stone or because she banged into a large rock. no matter the problem, the little girl will not cry coz she knows she can always stand up again. and try again.
i will strive to be that girl in these few coming weeks. to find that trust lost, to beg for forgiveness for the unspoken words and to regain back the strenght lost. and then maybe in the process, i'll be motivated enough to finish up the piles of tuts im left to do. and also the catching up of 5 examinable subjects and end my ideation projects and CCAs with a big bang.
on an optimistic note, there's the bitter sweetness at the back of my head right now. everything's coming to an end which is awesome for my studies but i'll miss all those saturdays when we laugh our hearts out, run for our life out of the platform and perform with the greatest people i've ever got the opportunity to know;) loves...
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
niceeeeeeeeeeee
these are the things i look for at youtube. just CUTIE PIE!! ;DDD
Cleopatra!! - go catch her whole series lah!
MY IDOL! ~Yuna!!- Greek Goddess. go listen the lyrics seh. awesome kedegak2!
the kooks! awesome indie music man!
old school! ~ lion sleeps tonight!!
dream of everything ~ hi5
celebrate ~ hi5
my fave!! ~ hi5
can't believe its been 10 bloody years!! ~hi5 grow~
k enuf reminiscing... back to live. -> zooommMM~~
Cleopatra!! - go catch her whole series lah!
MY IDOL! ~Yuna!!- Greek Goddess. go listen the lyrics seh. awesome kedegak2!
the kooks! awesome indie music man!
old school! ~ lion sleeps tonight!!
dream of everything ~ hi5
celebrate ~ hi5
my fave!! ~ hi5
can't believe its been 10 bloody years!! ~hi5 grow~
k enuf reminiscing... back to live. -> zooommMM~~
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
150th post
i've been waiting for this moment to come. the moment when everything just goes silent for that 1 moment. let me just bask in the moment for a bit.
K BREAK'S OVER!
damn.
and the coughing resumes. and the pain in the chest affects the eyes and the brain and now the whole's face screwed up again. and the cramp in the right leg starts screaming its present again. nowadays, im always falling sick. dun even noe why. maybe its my biological clock ticking its way thru my hectic lifestyle. and because of it, ive been taking time off to sleep and rest when im supposed to complete that tonne-assed tutorials and cas project of mine. i've been procrastinating, just in case you haven't notice it yet. hold everything back. everything. including my spices of crushes and eyecandies. i just dont have that liberty called time anymore. like everyday, which starts at 12am btw, i spend it by eating belated medication and eating, cos i dun eat most days now. me+no food=disaster. i've been trying to cut down but i dun tink its working. cos instead of feeling better and healthier, i feel deathly-old-maid sick. like i have wrinkled up face and fingers and all that crap. so unfortunate dun u tink? i have a life outside, which takes everything off of me. i have practices of silat and bloco percussions everyday of the week except thursdays and sundays, where those days would then be taken up by either sleeping my tired ass off or going out with the family for outings and religious lessons. well, now that i've mentioned that, religious lessons have been cut. cos of H1N1 or so i heard. like wt... and i hate it when the country is fearing what they can't see but they're not scared of god. like what are u, sick? go away...far, far away.
i missed those days when i'm free and not tired. so i can have time to finish the projects and ideation art pieces and the finance and cma and pca tuts. i also miss those days when there's nothing hounding me at the back of my brains gnawing at the ends of my brain cells just so it could get some attention.
and just so you know, i've been skipping lessons. and bloco pracs. just so i could spare that little bit of time for my body to recover and also finish up the things held at dateline. i so can't wait for this saturday. cos it'll be the first saturday, i dun have to think about any projects dued coz all projects are coming to an end this friday. well, besides ideation that is. but thats my passion so i dun consider it a project. and when all of this is over, i'll have hell to pay with all the undone tuts i've skipped. confirm results rabak giler punye. confirm mak bapak aku tak kasi join ape2 lagi punye. and i'll feel sad. super empty. cos i'm so used to the life without free time.
everytime someone ask me what i do in my free time, my answer is: sleep/eat/do art projects. which i must say, is essentials. not a free-time activity. i'm so tired now of typing. i'll update again once i feel better.
P.S: i've been sick for 3 weeks now. all who noe me should noe. and the tuts i've held back, its amounting to 4 weeks worth of 5 diff subjects tuts. thats 20 weeks worth of catching up to do. and if that's not bad enough, last sat bloco was spent under heavily pouring rain. u should see the news man. and i was sick+heavy rain+no food=X.X ouh, btw, this thurs is my first silat performance at ilive at tp. that's y i havent been skipping silat. and i think, though this might be like the worst timing to do so, i'm having an infatuation. and 2 other eye-candies from bloco. and all of them, are SO DIFF FROM EACH OTHER!! just so u noe, the infatuation is on a bad boy. and the eye-candies, are like cute and emo. one thing's for sure tho, they all have attitude and awesome personalities, something which always catch my eye first. im not really into the looks you know. just wanna have someone to make me laugh and giggle no matter how indirectly. that's what all of this is for right? a lil bit of spice. and surely, something, WHICH I DUN NEED RIGHT NOW! oh emmm geee.... distractions sia! damn!
K BREAK'S OVER!
damn.
and the coughing resumes. and the pain in the chest affects the eyes and the brain and now the whole's face screwed up again. and the cramp in the right leg starts screaming its present again. nowadays, im always falling sick. dun even noe why. maybe its my biological clock ticking its way thru my hectic lifestyle. and because of it, ive been taking time off to sleep and rest when im supposed to complete that tonne-assed tutorials and cas project of mine. i've been procrastinating, just in case you haven't notice it yet. hold everything back. everything. including my spices of crushes and eyecandies. i just dont have that liberty called time anymore. like everyday, which starts at 12am btw, i spend it by eating belated medication and eating, cos i dun eat most days now. me+no food=disaster. i've been trying to cut down but i dun tink its working. cos instead of feeling better and healthier, i feel deathly-old-maid sick. like i have wrinkled up face and fingers and all that crap. so unfortunate dun u tink? i have a life outside, which takes everything off of me. i have practices of silat and bloco percussions everyday of the week except thursdays and sundays, where those days would then be taken up by either sleeping my tired ass off or going out with the family for outings and religious lessons. well, now that i've mentioned that, religious lessons have been cut. cos of H1N1 or so i heard. like wt... and i hate it when the country is fearing what they can't see but they're not scared of god. like what are u, sick? go away...far, far away.
i missed those days when i'm free and not tired. so i can have time to finish the projects and ideation art pieces and the finance and cma and pca tuts. i also miss those days when there's nothing hounding me at the back of my brains gnawing at the ends of my brain cells just so it could get some attention.
and just so you know, i've been skipping lessons. and bloco pracs. just so i could spare that little bit of time for my body to recover and also finish up the things held at dateline. i so can't wait for this saturday. cos it'll be the first saturday, i dun have to think about any projects dued coz all projects are coming to an end this friday. well, besides ideation that is. but thats my passion so i dun consider it a project. and when all of this is over, i'll have hell to pay with all the undone tuts i've skipped. confirm results rabak giler punye. confirm mak bapak aku tak kasi join ape2 lagi punye. and i'll feel sad. super empty. cos i'm so used to the life without free time.
everytime someone ask me what i do in my free time, my answer is: sleep/eat/do art projects. which i must say, is essentials. not a free-time activity. i'm so tired now of typing. i'll update again once i feel better.
P.S: i've been sick for 3 weeks now. all who noe me should noe. and the tuts i've held back, its amounting to 4 weeks worth of 5 diff subjects tuts. thats 20 weeks worth of catching up to do. and if that's not bad enough, last sat bloco was spent under heavily pouring rain. u should see the news man. and i was sick+heavy rain+no food=X.X ouh, btw, this thurs is my first silat performance at ilive at tp. that's y i havent been skipping silat. and i think, though this might be like the worst timing to do so, i'm having an infatuation. and 2 other eye-candies from bloco. and all of them, are SO DIFF FROM EACH OTHER!! just so u noe, the infatuation is on a bad boy. and the eye-candies, are like cute and emo. one thing's for sure tho, they all have attitude and awesome personalities, something which always catch my eye first. im not really into the looks you know. just wanna have someone to make me laugh and giggle no matter how indirectly. that's what all of this is for right? a lil bit of spice. and surely, something, WHICH I DUN NEED RIGHT NOW! oh emmm geee.... distractions sia! damn!
Monday, July 6, 2009
anger serves no purpose
i'm trying to make myself believe that little statement on the top.
cos right now i'm so angry at the what could have beens instead of being thankful for what i really have. so just to piss it out on the blog a little since no one will ever want to listen to bitching siti.
1) i'm really angry at this someone. this someone whom i tot is as lazy and slacker as me has just made me into a complete and utter fool in front of all SIFE people, whom i must say, i hold dear to me, partly because they respect me for being NOT STUPID and AWESOME. and he had just crushed that respect by saying "huh?" with that face then saying, "you have no idea what we're talking about". as if im so dumb cos i was sitting right next to them but was apparently out of earshot for this someone. and if thats not enough, this person had to slam me down by winning the student academic awards. so much for being "slack" and "dont give a damn" huh? shit u ah. damn this someone. i hope god will make u suffer and die later. after u've married a horrid bitch and live a life out of your rich ass parent's money and feel like ur the complete jerk u really are. cos honestly i tink, ure nothing behind that "im too good for the world" mask u put on everyday. having fake friends, laughing at a stupid lame joke with that clique of yours right in front of my face and making sarcastic joke on me. fine. go ahead and do it. see if i care. stupid bimbotic effer.
2) im really angry at this group of people whom i tot were my friends. whom i tot would call on me should there be any important events that's gonna happen as group. apparently, i wasnt even invited to the camp, much less the barbeque afters and even much lesser offering me to purchase the team tee u all made which looks awesome btw. just in case u have already forgotten me cos of some new faces which decides to appear and makes me less me, fine. im always not there anyway right...why bother. just so u noe, i breaks my heart, seeing you guys so happy without me. like im not wanted anyway. like im not part of u. sooner or later, im gonna walk towards one of u and u'll be asking, u're part of this group? really? like when, just only? double effer. so much for travelling all the way to bloody red line since the start of the year till the start of ndp prac huh? nyeah~
3) im really angry at myself for sleeping away 1 whole good day. Y? cos i havent slept that good in the past 3 months, since school start. Y? cos it rained and the weather was super awesome to not be wanting to sleep in. Y? cos i tot well, school works gonna get done at night anyways. and now im here blogging when i have so much assignments to get done. damn it man! urgh!!~~
cos right now i'm so angry at the what could have beens instead of being thankful for what i really have. so just to piss it out on the blog a little since no one will ever want to listen to bitching siti.
1) i'm really angry at this someone. this someone whom i tot is as lazy and slacker as me has just made me into a complete and utter fool in front of all SIFE people, whom i must say, i hold dear to me, partly because they respect me for being NOT STUPID and AWESOME. and he had just crushed that respect by saying "huh?" with that face then saying, "you have no idea what we're talking about". as if im so dumb cos i was sitting right next to them but was apparently out of earshot for this someone. and if thats not enough, this person had to slam me down by winning the student academic awards. so much for being "slack" and "dont give a damn" huh? shit u ah. damn this someone. i hope god will make u suffer and die later. after u've married a horrid bitch and live a life out of your rich ass parent's money and feel like ur the complete jerk u really are. cos honestly i tink, ure nothing behind that "im too good for the world" mask u put on everyday. having fake friends, laughing at a stupid lame joke with that clique of yours right in front of my face and making sarcastic joke on me. fine. go ahead and do it. see if i care. stupid bimbotic effer.
2) im really angry at this group of people whom i tot were my friends. whom i tot would call on me should there be any important events that's gonna happen as group. apparently, i wasnt even invited to the camp, much less the barbeque afters and even much lesser offering me to purchase the team tee u all made which looks awesome btw. just in case u have already forgotten me cos of some new faces which decides to appear and makes me less me, fine. im always not there anyway right...why bother. just so u noe, i breaks my heart, seeing you guys so happy without me. like im not wanted anyway. like im not part of u. sooner or later, im gonna walk towards one of u and u'll be asking, u're part of this group? really? like when, just only? double effer. so much for travelling all the way to bloody red line since the start of the year till the start of ndp prac huh? nyeah~
3) im really angry at myself for sleeping away 1 whole good day. Y? cos i havent slept that good in the past 3 months, since school start. Y? cos it rained and the weather was super awesome to not be wanting to sleep in. Y? cos i tot well, school works gonna get done at night anyways. and now im here blogging when i have so much assignments to get done. damn it man! urgh!!~~
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