cry cos of the life i'm choosing. cry cos my grandma is lonely and it reminds me of me. cry cos i'm tired of being who i've become, the person who everyone depends on. who am i going to depend on? i don't think i'm able to. sometimes, i just feel like dropping everything, see how the world function without me once in a while. see if i'm missed. see if i had actually made an impact in anyone's life. cos honestly, after being the "slave", i think i deserve some slack. i deserve to be acknowledged. i deserve to be treated like the captain. cos god only noe even the captain depend on me. but no. tts not gonna happen. at least not in this lifetime. oh god, sesungguhnya aku lakukan ini semue kerana mu ya allah. niat ku hanya untuk menempah tempat di syurga mu. aku mohon ya allah. give me the strength to pull through, even if its gonna be without feeling, without anything in for me. give the power to hold myself up while striving to push everyone on top too. sesungguhnya diriku solehah ya allah.
i don't know if you've noticed, but i'm usually very lonely.
i know its because most of my friends are busy and not around. i understand. it's because i do i'm here now.
and i don't have the cliques or bffs to hang around with. not like most. i noe. i'm sad like that. but its the few who's around tt have had my respect pinning for them. its because of them, i continue, pushing. its because of them, i have the will to pull another day thru. cos i noe, ill see them, and my world is brighter. i noe wif them, they noe, they understand, who i am. who ill always be.
i would sometimes think of the other alternatives, where i won't be happy nor sad. where there'll be constant stress to exceed what i have. and i'm glad. bersyukur YA ALLAH. this is my place. there's a purpose for me. no matter tt no one noe my function, i noe the reason im here. i noe ive helped. tts enough for me. tts all i ever wanted. at least i noe, ive kept myself intact, if not stronger. im perfect being who i am. && for that, i glad this is my life. no matter the hardships, i noe at the end of the day, im content. i'd die being tt happy person. thank god.
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