exasperating fool of a female

& it was another night i found sleep elusive.
we all know what that meant.

the pain of today hurts like no other.
i could only be thankful for friends and family who stood by my side to lighten the burden of life.
for life of a yet-to-be-17-confused-and-love-besooted-girl is very tough indeed.
somehow i wished i hadn't enjoy myself too much these last few days. for an old saying goes, "too much laughter, is a sign of a coming tear"
and only i know how true that is. for even i didn't notice the tears wetting my spongebob tee as i'm penning this down.

i should have known, this would be coming sooner or later, for i know from experience, joy can only last for so long.
i tried so hard to numb myself against this pain but it didn't help one bit. for i am only human.
i felt so helpless as i stared into his downcast face. i felt so terribly sad i'm not one deserving of his attention, even worse, than that bloody good handphone of his. i felt hopeless. a feeling i had long discarded on the rotting shelf of my past life.

but then again, everything was wrong from the beginning. beginning of time, of life, of semester, of month, of day. sad to say, even after a wonderful day spent with friends, samba people and all, i was still caught up in my own feelings.

life as it was; utterly disappointing at times when you've been kicked so hard in the gut and there's no one to save you except for your good-for-nothing self.

& to think i had dared to believe for a happily-ever-after that was not to be. so despo was i for the life i've imagined i could lead. i was naive enough to believe tomorrow would be a better day. and see where that had gotten me. stupidly forgetting the ever important psea form, till i had to get myself drenched again and again as i'm getting my sorry ass to school again, encountering with devils of my own, getting sucky timetable for a new semester and not getting any cds at all! and to top the crop, i had forgotten to blog on blog action day and post a birthday wish to ina and ain!
bah.... i'm hoping the cake smeared onto their faces would be enough though:) hehehes....sori..camat ari aye, maap zahir batin ye... wakakakkas! :))

so weird how i can entertain myself and laugh at a simple yet complicated joke. weee!!

btw, for people who wants pics of the birthday celebration...urm, later i send via email je k? i damn lazy now and really need to catch up on sleep. and tmr still got a&f workshop. yeah..."kids" will be coming in. i'm hoping i'll be able to make myself look smarter than them (*inner mind whispers, "like real...") so anyways... see u when i see u aites.

in the meantime, i love you always:))