hey you guys.
i'm sad. i think i'm going to go into depression soon.
suddenly the thought of jumping off tp library's 11th storey don't seem so bad.

i've just been hit again.
twice in a row. hope today won't be another. i don't like hat-tricks of pain. especially since its my own. first tpsu then the supposed lecture clique. i hate confrontations. sometimes i wish i could just be oblivious to everthing that surrounds me. my life sucks. i think people who don't know me thinks i'm pathetic with the way i live. i don't mind really. cos usually what u see is what u get rite? wrong. next time, know me first. don't judge me. don't say things you think i am. cos u don't know the damage you're doing. in the future, stuff don't usually work out. yesterday was one of the worse days. notice, worse not worst. it hasn't reach that point yet. cos my inner body won't allow it. me has not broken down yet. she's the strongest one among all of us. she supports myself and i when we're bleeding to death crying out the pain. but her cries is one you'll not hear nor see. her cries are to Allah. only Allah knows.

that said and done, mid sems are next week. after hari raya haji. and i don't think my family will be going to the sacrifise this year though its like the tradition of our family. anyways, we'll see how it goes. my econs is fully covered already. and bus stats oso. i doing notes for econs only. and maybe mbs. but mbs and fa alot to cover and practice. and i still have ob. shessh. lucky my freehand drawing is like covered ald lah. no exams and i've been getting A grades and 1 B+ cos its painting. and i suck at painting. hahahs.

k lah. i need to buy my younger bro's books now. and lots of grocery shopping to do. and revision too. hope its a better day today. i oni have ob tutorial at 4. wt...

17 years

hey.
i'm like finally back to blogging. here that is.
cos someone (yes ain, dear girl u!) said she's tired of coming to my blog seeing the 1st week of school has ended entry.

honestly, being 17 has no diff to me.
except now got more ppl who wish me. and it makes me happy=)
thank you to all those who did. thru gifts, smses, tags, pics, etc. i love u all a lot lah.
and someone better take me to my 1st nc16 movie ah please?
one year has passed and i still haven't got that checked off the must-do list. hahahs

ouh!!
i wanted to say rite...i love my new groups in school!
damn funny ah they all. seb, yy, desmond and i tot i would never say this, but yeah, mark:)
i'm liking school more these days. mostly coz its almost to year end and stuffs always pop up!
like lunch dates and super random outings. hahax!

but the work load is also increasing. dunno if its due to my bad time management or my laziness but i can't find the time to complete my fa2 tutorials. altho its gonna be the death of me, i know its like the most important subject. and altho the lecturer can become a bitch(most times) and a sucker for life, i love her. she's good lah. i think the cohort has finally found a time to shut when its lecture time:) not that i hate the noise, i just don't like to be distracted, especially when this subject means a lot to alot of people. god, i can't believe our reputation among all the tp teachers. hahas! awesome lah. in an incredible crude manner, we're good:) not bad for freshmen huh?

i really have to stop being so slaggy all the time. need to buck up my gpa. and considering i'm not good and many ppl in my cohort are among the Zs , i'm gonna die if i don't do it. btw, i think the cohort this year alot of party ppl. that's why there's like a huge gap between the highest and the lowest. bah!

1 thing i realised during the time i was gone. ppl's virtue are easily sold off man. like seriously, stop being a hypocrite lah. the world has too many problems ald lah without having ppl like you to add to it. kalau tak nak pakai tudung, jangan pakai langsung ah. bukak tutup, bukak tutup. ingat kedai 7-11 pe? shessh! to ppl who may not understand it, its just something abt the ppl of my religion who treats islam like crap. sometimes i just need to bitch about them for a bit.

that said and done, I SUPER DUPER LOVE PENTAS. i laughed damn hard i think my intestines burst!! && I SUPER HATE MAG of TP. i'm a hater so kill me. i hate the fact that performing in malay arts group, ppl's hijab had to be taken off. they are not even in a workforce yet lah. and even if they are, they shudn't be in that job! MENYAMPAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

have i updated on samba? hahas! i love those ppl. lovex8. that infinity sign is screwed man. wakakakakks! i'm performing tmr again. at flyer-esplanade the area. its gonna be so cool ah:)
jangan jealous ah....

so i'm like duber busy with tuts and stuffs and all.
but here's something i find bloody funny just now.

Ct says:
not fair

Ct says:
ur life is so simple

.Crimsado.Geek. . ` He wants to be the Dolly Parton of the rock world . - says:
whaat?

.Crimsado.Geek. . ` He wants to be the Dolly Parton of the rock world . - says:
simple is bore. chaos is magic. mistakes are beautiful.

.Crimsado.Geek. . ` He wants to be the Dolly Parton of the rock world . - says:
wow, that's so going on my PM..

Ct says:
wakakakakakkak!!

&& if anyone wants a tamil lead call my cell. i'm my younger bro's manager:)) heeeeee!

I'D LIKE A FOOT LONG! (inside joke>.< but if u think hard enough u'll get it!)

boing!

FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL IS DONE!!
and it seriously was AWESOME>.<
minus a few not so flattering moments. and all that rain. k fine, i like rain.
but not the humidity.
nor the stupid financial let-down. like wth, lehman bothers...

so anyways...STARTED MONDAY WITH A BANG!!
9 am lectures isn't so very bad. not now anyways. since i found a new way to get to school:)
take bus 8. which on average get me to school in like 30 minutes? woooots! kudos SBS!

oh! && i love OUTINGS WITH AIN. ok. overstatement. I LOVE AIN!! the best talking/bitching/laughing ur ass off buddy like forever. and now i have a new favourite hotspot!
POPEYES T1 PUH-LEEESSSSEEE!!!

and oh! please don't ask me put up any pics here. it's such a chore and waste terrible time which i can't afford to lose. truthfully, i hate getting a failed posting everytime. urgh!

where was i? oh ya! monday. then i had samba. i love samba juniors please? cos we just rock>.<
and here's a shoutout. Tamborim's the best lah...

so yah...the rest of the week were fun too!
got samba OUTFIT! hang out with a&f malay clique. 1st freehand DRAWING lesson. met fira:) and daniel's in the same class too. bestlah! and next week's holiday. so SAMBA like back to back next week. tuesday, wednesday. and so nice timing and all. cos rite... its like right after my makeup lessons and all:)

i must start doing tutorials already! waa.... but for a better GPA, i'd do anything. my money's going bust soon. or rather, my parent's money. books aje cost like 50++ for 1 subject. the others 30++. and lecture notes some more. and those books are like COMPULSORY! seriously... i'm dying ah. i feel bad asking my parents for cash. if really needed then i buy ah. the 50++ one that is. sakit seh nak keluarkan duit. and i haven't even topup my monthly concession. cos tak cukup duit. like since the start of this sem, i'm like in constant need on cash. planning to pay back my parents money soon. go use the money i got from cdc ald. k problem settled. apelah bodoh sangat! wakakakas!

k i going off ald. tmr planning to go cycling in the morning, then i have like 2 wedding/tunang events to go to. OUR OH SO FAB! COUSIN IS FINALLY TOUCHING THE HOMIE! if not she forever busy with her work ah. finally she'll have little ones around her which are her own. not her brothers'. LOL! no offence yeah beb? I LOVE YOU, u know that right?

anyways, all the best KAK WIT TERSAYANG!!

k god bless. peace. && i love you(*with barney accent) hehehes!

exasperating fool of a female

& it was another night i found sleep elusive.
we all know what that meant.

the pain of today hurts like no other.
i could only be thankful for friends and family who stood by my side to lighten the burden of life.
for life of a yet-to-be-17-confused-and-love-besooted-girl is very tough indeed.
somehow i wished i hadn't enjoy myself too much these last few days. for an old saying goes, "too much laughter, is a sign of a coming tear"
and only i know how true that is. for even i didn't notice the tears wetting my spongebob tee as i'm penning this down.

i should have known, this would be coming sooner or later, for i know from experience, joy can only last for so long.
i tried so hard to numb myself against this pain but it didn't help one bit. for i am only human.
i felt so helpless as i stared into his downcast face. i felt so terribly sad i'm not one deserving of his attention, even worse, than that bloody good handphone of his. i felt hopeless. a feeling i had long discarded on the rotting shelf of my past life.

but then again, everything was wrong from the beginning. beginning of time, of life, of semester, of month, of day. sad to say, even after a wonderful day spent with friends, samba people and all, i was still caught up in my own feelings.

life as it was; utterly disappointing at times when you've been kicked so hard in the gut and there's no one to save you except for your good-for-nothing self.

& to think i had dared to believe for a happily-ever-after that was not to be. so despo was i for the life i've imagined i could lead. i was naive enough to believe tomorrow would be a better day. and see where that had gotten me. stupidly forgetting the ever important psea form, till i had to get myself drenched again and again as i'm getting my sorry ass to school again, encountering with devils of my own, getting sucky timetable for a new semester and not getting any cds at all! and to top the crop, i had forgotten to blog on blog action day and post a birthday wish to ina and ain!
bah.... i'm hoping the cake smeared onto their faces would be enough though:) hehehes....sori..camat ari aye, maap zahir batin ye... wakakakkas! :))

so weird how i can entertain myself and laugh at a simple yet complicated joke. weee!!

btw, for people who wants pics of the birthday celebration...urm, later i send via email je k? i damn lazy now and really need to catch up on sleep. and tmr still got a&f workshop. yeah..."kids" will be coming in. i'm hoping i'll be able to make myself look smarter than them (*inner mind whispers, "like real...") so anyways... see u when i see u aites.

in the meantime, i love you always:))